


In Your Arms

by elegantlydisastrous



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, It's not all dark I promise, M/M, Put the pitchforks and torches down, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, bottom!Derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-17
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-16 12:10:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/539269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elegantlydisastrous/pseuds/elegantlydisastrous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles has been self harming for a while but nobody had noticed. Derek finds him one day after a rough pack meeting and things take a turn for the worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The A Team

It’s been a while since his last panic attack; three weeks to be exact. But now, as he made his way into the house after a pack meeting, he could feel it taking over him. Stiles stumbled his way up the steps to his room, closing the door behind him and turning the lock. He hadn’t thought about his mother in so long. Hasn’t thought about her laugh or the way she’d sing him to sleep. Hadn’t thought about her smile or the way she’d tell him how important he was, how much she loved him. But tonight when Erica was talking about her mother and how she’s glad they’re back to their old selves again, he couldn’t help but let those thoughts in. He felt them crash into him head on as they flooded his mind.

Stiles managed to keep himself composed until the meeting was through as best he could. He didn’t think that anyone had noticed anything since he hadn’t said much to draw attention to himself. Sure, Derek kept glancing over at him but it was no more than his usual level of creep so he didn’t think anything of it. Stiles’ back hit the door as he slumped down to the ground. His chest felt constricted and he couldn’t take a deep breath to save his life. Though his hands were shaking, Stiles managed to pull out his cell phone. He took out the battery, pulling out the razor blade he’d strategically hidden there. Of course he knew this wasn’t a solution to his problems, but for now it made it all better. It made it all go away if only for a little while.

Placing the blade on his wrist, Stiles cut carefully with just the right amount of pressure. After a few seconds, he finally started feeling his body going as the blood began to drip. He cut a few more times, choked sobs threatening to break free as the blood pooled on the floor beside him. At least now Stiles didn’t feel useless. The feelings of being just another pathetic human weren’t slamming around in his mind. His mother’s beautiful laugh didn’t haunt his mind. It was just the rush he was feeling, the sounds of his blood slowly dripping down his wrists and his thoughts slowly slipping away from him.

The feelings of not being good enough, the feeling that he did more harm than good. It wasn’t the boy who felt unwanted. It was just him. Just Stiles. At that point there was no use in trying to hold back the tears. The sounds of his sobs filled the room around him. Maybe if he wasn’t so much of a coward every time he’d resort to doing this, he’d just cut a little deeper and do the world a favor. Get it all over with.

xxxxxxxxx

Derek kept looking over at Stiles while Erica went on and on. It was no secret what happened in the Stilinski household. Everyone, including those in his pack had known that Stiles’ mother didn’t have an easy death and that it was extremely difficult for him to deal with. In Erica’s defense however, she was fairly new to his little group of misfits. All that she had heard was that his mother wasn’t around, not the how’s or the why’s. Derek noticed Stiles’ heart beat pick up in pace and tried desperately to change the topic of discussion. When that didn’t work Derek ended the meeting early. What he didn’t think was that Stiles would be the first to leave.

How could his betas not notice that something was wrong? Stiles’ heart was racing. He practically bolted out of the door and to make matters worse, he hadn’t even said two words throughout the entire meeting. That alone should have given them some type of warning. As soon as everyone else had gone home, Derek took to his Alpha form and went running into the woods towards Stiles’ home.

This entire evening just wasn't sitting well with Derek. Something was really wrong with Stiles and he was going to get to the bottom of it. Derek would have taken his Camaro but he needed to let his wolf run free. It was clawing at him, howling to get to his mate. Derek ran as fast as he could until he was about a mile from the familiar house when his ears began to twitch. The Alpha’s footsteps faltered when his ears registered the sounds they were hearing. Stiles was crying. The boy’s breathing was erratic, coming in short gasps. Derek let out a piercing howl, letting his wolf get the better of him. Normally he could control his want for Stiles, to want to push everything aside and run to him but not now. Derek was frantic now, picking up his pace as best he could.

Before long he was at Stiles’ window. Derek opened it slowly and froze in place as all of Stiles’ emotions took over him. That wasn't even the worst part, Stiles was bleeding. The boys lips were white and his face was pale. Stiles' face seemed like it was slowly sinking, crumbling and wasting away right in front of him. Derek’s eyes showed a crimson so deep that anyone would swear they were looking into the depths of molten lava.

”Stiles…” The name escaped his lips before he even knew he was saying it. But there was no response, just the quiet sobs that were slowly tearing at Derek’s heart strings. Before he knew it he was walking over to Stiles, dropping to his knees and cradling the boy in his arms. With one hand under Stiles’ knees and the other under his back, Derek held him close to his body as tightly as he could without hurting him and stood up.

Derek carried him down through the house and outside to where the Jeep was parked. The Alpha broke at least eight kinds of traffic laws to get him to the hospital as fast as possible. Derek's mind was taken over with the guilt of it all. _Why should this happen to Stiles?_ Why couldn't it happen to me with his burnt lungs and his sour taste? There was nothing more Derek wanted to do than to scream, to cry, to let out all of his emotions but not now. Now he needed to be strong for Stiles. The hand gripping the steering wheel was turning his knuckles a pale white, the other rested on Stiles’ knee.

“Stiles, can you hear me? We’re almost there. Stiles, say something. Please…” Derek’s voice cracked and his eyes began to water. He shook his head furiously, refusing to let himself break right now.

“Stiles, I’m… I need you to wake up. If you can hear me, we’re almost there, alright? Just a little bit longer.” Chancing a glance over at Stiles right now wasn't one of his best decisions. The boy was pale, eyes closed as his head bobbed against the headrest every time Derek hit a bump. He looked so frail, so broken. The car swerved and he nearly hit a few pedestrians. A few seconds later they were at the front of the hospital. The car was on top of the sidewalk, right at the front entrance. A few guards ran over to try to stop him but one look at Derek as he got out of the drivers side and they were backing up away from him. Pulling Stiles out as gently as he could, he hurried his way inside.

“I need some help over here! Now!” He could hear Laura’s voice in his head, ‘Use your inside voice, Derek. Be nice.’

“Please.” Derek tried to add calmly and within seconds there were doctors bursting through the double doors to the waiting room, sweeping Stiles away.

The snarl Derek gave them as they shut the door in his face was nothing short of animalistic. One of the nurses felt bad and opened the door for him, earning her a few glares from the higher ups. She was clearly going to hear about this later but she wouldn't stand in this man's way when he was this broken up. Derek gave her a small nod and slumped to the ground outside of the room they had Stiles in. He kept an ear open, focusing on Stiles’ heart beat and drowning everything else out until one particular voice had him standing straight up.

“You!” The Sheriff was screaming, finger pointing straight at Derek as he stomped towards him, hand on his gun. He sounded just as wrecked as Derek looked. “Where the hell is my son?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for this prompt: Somebody should write a fic where Stiles has been self harming for a while but nobody noticed and then one day Derek goes to Stiles for research or something and creeps through his window one night and finds Stiles cutting. Then Derek promises to help him stop and get better, then Derek just wraps his arms around Stiles while he cries or gets really emotional. - sourwolffstilinski
> 
> It started out small but now it's snowballing into a multi-chapter monster. I figured I should upload it. Chapter two is already in beta-mode, look for that one soon!
> 
> Speaking of beta's, I'd like to thank my amazing beta Chris! [c0ckmonster] He's been ever so patient with me.


	2. Drunk

Catching a werewolf off guard was difficult enough as it is, and doing it to an alpha was damn near impossible. Despite all that, the Sheriff’s screams definitely sent Derek into alert mode. Stiles’ heart beat had been all he was focused on for so long that he’d zoned out. 

“Jesus Christ, is that his blood?” The Sheriff grabbed him by the collar, slamming Derek into the wall he’d been standing against. Derek was more interested in keeping an ear out for Stiles than getting a change of clothes. Now that he thought about it, this most likely looked awful to anyone who didn’t know what was going on. After all, he was accused of murder before… acquitted or not, here he was covered in someone else’s blood. 

“You listen to me…” The Sheriff started, one hand still gripping Derek’s collar, the other moving to lay on his gun. “If you so much as look at my son again, I’ll kill you myself and make it look like an accident, you understand?” He was angry but Derek could see the tears threatening to fall from the man’s eyes. 

“I understand.” Derek nodded as he spoke. 

“Good. Now leave.” The sheriff practically screamed. The sound of his voice filled with anger and the determination to get Derek out of there as soon as possible before releasing his grip on him. 

“I’m sorry, Sheriff. I can’t do that.” At that response, Sheriff Stilinski had him pinned on the wall again, this time with his gun aimed right at Derek. The Alpha’s jaw clenched as he locked eyes with the man. 

“I won’t leave him. Not now.” Sure there was a gun aimed at his head, but he would heal. There was no way he was going to leave Stiles.

“John!” Melissa McCall was on call tonight and had been filled in on Stiles’ condition and the ‘mysterious man’ who saved his life. “Mr. Hale saved your sons life. Put that gun down, right now.” The Sheriff looked torn between pulling the damn trigger and putting the gun down, clearly not believing what she was saying, then put it down slowly.

“Another few minutes and Stiles would’ve lost so much blood that… John we wouldn’t have been able to save him. It was a miracle Derek got him here when he did.” Derek would never admit it but he was glad Scott’s mother was there that night. He was in no mood to deal with these games, it was all a waste of time. There was nothing more important right now than Stiles.

Derek thought back to the last time they were alone. There were feelings of want and need coming off of Stiles in waves. All Derek wanted to do was to take him, claim him, hold him forever and finally shut him up the way he’d always wanted to. Stiles never said anything though and he was too young so Derek had pretended not to notice. His whole life, he’d pretend he didn’t see the glances that lasted too long, the strong scent of the boy's arousal calling to him. Derek would push aside the way his wolf would tear away at him trying to break free whenever Stiles so much as bumped his head. There is no mistaking it, his wolf had chosen it’s mate and it was driving Derek up a wall. 

The alpha turned his attention back to the two in front of him, trying to clear his head of these thoughts. It’s funny the way that Melissa was talking she was making Derek sound like some sort of hero. There were many things he thought of himself and ‘hero’ was definitely not one of them. If anything, he failed. Derek let his mate down in one of the worst ways. Had he gotten there sooner, hell, had he never let Stiles leave his home when he did then none of this would have happened. How long has this been happening with no one knowing? A failure as an alpha and surely he’d be a failure as a mate. Stiles deserved so much better.

Derek took a real look at the Sheriff. It was like looking at another person, realizing just how much Stiles resembled his father. Really looking at him, Derek noticed Mr. Stilinski had just as much of a big heart as his son. 

“Is that true, Hale?” The Sheriff asked him, eyes zeroing in on him now. Derek just nodded. The tears the Sheriff was holding back started to fall as he put his hands on Derek’s shoulders who immediately stiffened. 

“I’m so sorry. It’s just… he’s my onl- and I…” Mr. Stilinski wasn’t able to keep the tears from falling now as he tried to apologize. Derek nodded at him once more and pulled out from under his grasp. It was one thing to let by gones be by gones but Derek wasn’t going to start sharing journals with the man. This was all a little too emotional for Derek to be able to deal with on his own, it made him incredibly uncomfortable. 

“But… how? What happened, how long has he been…?” The three of them sat down on the chairs that were behind them in the corridor with Derek and Melissa on either side of the Sheriff. Derek knew that it probably wasn’t his place but he couldn’t help but tell him about the pack’s conversation earlier and how quiet Stiles had gotten after. Also adding how he came to check on him after everyone had left from their ‘movie night’ and when Stiles didn’t answer, he let himself in. Melissa used that moment to tell him that there was no way of knowing how long Stiles had been harming himself.

“John, while we can’t tell exactly how long, you should know that the doctor did find many scars. There’s many cuts on his thighs, his upper arms as well as his wrists. He’s been very smart about it.” Melissa grimaced as she spoke. “Stiles has been doing it in places where he could hide them easily. The fact that he’s always in those flannels already probably helped him conceal it all better without anyone noticing anything.” It took everything that Derek had to hold in the growl that was rumbling in his throat at this new information.

The Sheriff buried his head in his hands and just cried. Derek moved to where he had been on the floor, tuning out the world and going back to focusing himself on Stiles. The last thing he saw was Melissa moving closer to the Sheriff and rubbing his back in an effort to calm him down. Derek closed his eyes and listened to the faint thump-thump of Stiles’ heart from the other side of the wall. Thoughts he tried to push away came back to haunt him. People would always say what doesn't kill you would inevitably make you stronger, but here the Alpha was at his weakest. The house feels cold without Stiles in it and without him near Derek might as well be freezing.  _I can't rely on my heart to beat in._ Stiles finds a way to take parts of it every time he sees him. Thoughts of how Stiles can leave him wordless just by breathing. 

Derek knew better than to fall into the arms of some human, but he was nothing like the ordinary. The thing with Stiles is that he could make a person feel drunk without even drinking.  _I know I can't heal things with a hand shake._ The way Stiles cuts someone open with his words, you have to applaud him with the small sounds that your hands make. Derek shook his head, wondering how it would feel to be drunk. How it would feel to be drunk on Stiles' love.  

_Come back to me, please._

After a few long hours, the doctor came out to meet with the Sheriff. Derek shot up from his spot on the floor and crowded into the doctor’s space before the Sheriff could even get out of his seat. 

“How is he? Tell me!” The Doctor gave Derek one long look then moved to where the Sheriff stood as he spoke. 

“I’m afraid that’s confidential.” The Doctor sounded annoyed by Derek altogether. Before the Alpha could respond with a few choice words and threats, the Sheriff gestured for him to continue. 

“It’s fine, Dan, he’s with me. Now back to Stiles…” The distraught look on the Sheriff’s face did not go unnoticed. 

“I’m sure Melissa filled you in on everything I’ve told her about the scarring. I’m afraid this is nothing new, however, it is the first time Stiles has attempted to actually cut through so deep that it nearly cost him his life. Sometimes these kids cut to feel the rush of it, but cutting this deeply is so much more than that. This was cutting with an intent. Is everything alright at home, Sheriff Stilinski?” John squinted his eyes in a damn fine glare at the doctor if Derek would say so himself, and nodded. 

“I- we think…” The Sheriff motioned between himself and Derek. “It might be about his mother.” Derek nodded at the Sheriff once, not wanting to explain how he thought it was so much more than just that. 

“So how is he?” Derek questioned again growing more impatient. Without even offering him a glance the doctor continued with the Sheriff. 

“We’ve sustained the bleeding. Stiles was unconscious there for a while, but he should be coming around any time now. I recommend you have him see a therapist when he’s released. Also, only family is allowed to see hi-” Derek turned to grab the handle of the door. “Sir! Sir I just said,” One glare from Derek accompanied by his best snarl had everyone in the small corridor startled enough to leave him alone. Opening the door slowly, he walked in and shut it quietly behind him, leaving them to their conversations while he checked in on Stiles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wanted to end this chapter with the fluff and angst of everything that's about to happen in that room, but I figured this ending would be better. Hope you guys like where the story is going. A big thank you to Chris [c0ckmonster] again!


	3. You and I (U.N.I.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: I told you guys there would be Derek feels. Please don't kick me.<3

Once Derek had the door closed behind him, he took a deep breath. Stiles still hadn't woken up since he'd lost consciousness in his arms earlier. A few hesitant steps later and Derek was standing on Stiles' bedside. The boy looked so fragile. This was one of the main reasons that Derek was adamantly against Stiles helping them out when things would go bad with his pack. This was a position he never wanted to be in. Never wanted to see Stiles in pain or so close to death. This was taking too much away from him. The wolf in Derek howled at the sight before him, padding around inside wanting nothing more than to curl up next to Stiles.

 

"I found one of your research books on the floor yesterday." Derek's voice was hoarse, the entire night had taken its toll on him. _It's the only evidence you'd been there before._ Derek tries but doesn't manage to say it out loud.

 

"Stiles... I need you to wake up, alright? I know you probably can't hear me but if there's a chance that you do, can you try to wake up?" There was nothing but silence for a few moments. The growl that escaped Derek's lips was involuntary but he was getting frustrated.

 

"This isn't me! I'm not... I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do!" Derek fell back into the chair besides the bed and pulled it closer.

 

"This is just like Peter. You'd probably never believe it but he wasn't always so bad. It was like having that uncle that let you get away with everything. Watching him in that damn hospital every time... it hurt. Despite his flaws, he was the only family we had left." Derek winced at his own words. He had never said any of this out loud before.

 

"I don't even know why I'm saying this now. I just... I can't lose someone else, okay? Not for a very long time. I said I was fine. You're the only one that probably knows I lied. I know I always tell you to shut up but you weren't supposed to take it literally." A fond smile found it's way to the alpha's lips as he looked at Stiles.

 

"My mother was sort of like you, you know." Ignoring the pang in his chest whenever he talked about his family, Derek continued. Now that he'd started it was like he couldn't stop. "She loved doing research. Any book she could get her hands on, she'd read. My mother had these green eyes that shined golden in the sun. She was so forgiving, had the biggest heart you'd ever see. Her name was Rhea, by the way. Telling stories was her favorite thing to do. She'd talk all day if you'd let her. Always looking to fill the silences. It was one of my favorite things about her. She would have loved you." Derek gave a bitter laugh and sighed. "I... I'd love you if you'd let me..." Derek moved his hand over to rest on Stiles'. The gentle thrumming of his pulse just below the skin made Derek relax, if only in the slightest. "Our first kiss will be perfect, we'll be nervous but it'll be worth it. It'll just be you and I. What am I even saying?" Derek rubbed his free hand over his face in exasperation.

 

But really, who could tell him that he wasn't allowed to have this. _I'd take you in my arms, keep you sheltered from all I've done wrong. But I know God made another one of me to love you better than I ever will._ Derek sighed. "You know, I always thought staying away from you would keep you safer... Damnit, Stiles."

 

"Does your face know how to do anything but frown?" Stiles coughed up a laugh. Derek shot up from the chair he'd been occupying and smiled.

 

"Stiles??" There were so many emotions running through him right now. Anger for what Stiles did to himself, understanding for everything he had gone though. Derek felt sadness at the way Stiles looked so fragile and regret at not being there for him like he should have been. He was furious with himself. Out of all of those emotions running through him like little jolts of electricity there was one that overshadowed the rest. The simple yet undeniable feeling of love. The Alpha had been strong for so long that he had to allow himself this moment, even if it's just this once. Ignoring the stinging in his eyes, Derek leaned over the bed, taking Stiles' face in his hands and placing a kiss on his forehead. The smile on Derek's face had been so real, so genuine and filled with affection. Derek would ask him how he was doing but he could already feel the emotions coursing through him. Stiles was relaxed. Relaxed? Derek pulled back a bit to be able to look at him.

 

"You're so stupid, you know that? Don't you ever do that again." Derek knew he couldn't hide the look of worry and panic from his face.

 

"So... did you mean all that?" Stiles asked curiously. Derek could almost taste the smell of hope coming off of the smaller boy in waves. _But wait... that means..._ Derek's head snapped up.

 

"Did you hear everything I--" The alpha was cut off by the Sheriff coming into the room. Stiles gave him a small smile in acknowledgement before turning to his father.

 

 _How didn't I realize when he woke up? How much did he hear?_ The Sheriff cleared his throat and Derek realized he still had his hands on either side of Stiles' face. Pulling away quickly, he nodded at the Sheriff who was looking between the two of them like they'd been caught breaking eighteen laws.

 

"Stiles, say goodbye to Mr. Hale. He'll be giving us some privacy while he talks to his friends out in the hall." Clearly, Derek had missed when the rest of the pack arrived as well. He made a pained noise as he moved away from stiles, then made his way to the door. "I'll be back soon." Stiles nodded at Derek who took a deep breath in an attempt to brace himself for the pack's madness out in the hall.

 

"Hey, Dad! What, I don't get a hug?" Stiles asked behind a laugh when his father stayed beside the bed. He was studying him with weary eyes and if Stiles knew his father, he knew he was debating if he should ask him about Derek right now, or not.

 

"Damnit, kid." There weren't too many things that could rattle his father and make him nervous but seeing Stiles like this definitely did it. John closed the remaining room and pulled Stiles into a tight hug. "Jesus, Stiles. You scared me half to death." Guilt immediately flooded trough him. Stiles wanted the exact opposite of this. His father meant everything to him. Taking care of his father was something he'd promised his mother he would do, and there was no way he wanted to disappoint her. Thinking of his mom reminded him of everything Derek had said about his own mother. Stiles still couldn't believe Derek had opened up that way. Clearly, he didn't think that Stiles was listening. Thoughts traveled back to reality as he pulled away from the hug with his father.

 

"I'm sorry, dad. I needed the escape. I guess it got really out of hand." Stiles was trying his level best not to get emotional when he was talking to his father but it was difficult not to.

 

"Stiles... why didn't you just talk to me? Did I do something wrong?" John looked broken up, like he was feeling guilty for doing something that caused this.

 

"Dad, no. You've been great, amazing even. I don't know what I would do without you." Having his father around was definitely a positive in his lie. He loved his dad. John studied him looking for any wavering in what he said and Stiles would shift uncomfortably under the scrutiny if he was actually standing.

 

"Fine," his father said after a few awkward minutes of silence. "I've gotta head back to the station and I know your friends out there would like to get in here. You gonna be okay until I get back?" There goes that look again.

 

"Yeah Dad, totally. Stay safe and how about actually eating that veggie burger I put in your bag this time?" John pulls a face at that as he makes for the door. "I mean it!" Stiles calls after him.

 

"Yeah, yeah." Sheriff Stilinski mutters as he walks out of the door. No sooner had he walked out the door, does he peek his head back in. "Oh and by the way, when I get back we're going to have a nice long chat about 'movie night' dates," he makes air quotes with his hand. "with someone who I've personally arrested under suspicion of murder." Every word was delivered with his father's stern interrogation eyes. It left Stiles gaping like a fish at the door. It wasn't until his father turned back out and the door was closing, did Stiles think to answer, throwing up his hands in defeat. "They weren't even dates!" he yelled to the universe and no one in particular.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is a bunch of pack feels and some one on one Sterek time. TOOK THEM LONG ENOUGH. /coughs; Sorry. Thank you all for your continued support and to my beta Chris; [sourwolfhugs] for the hand-holding and being all over amazing. My tumblr: elegantlydisastrous


	4. Grade 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised someone it would be up before Halloween so here it is! Thank you all for your love and support of my feels.

Erica and Scott were the first to walk into Stiles' hospital room. The she-wolf was wearing her signature smirk as she looked over at Stiles. 

"Smart man that Sheriff." Stiles rolled his eyes at her.  _Well she obviously heard that whole conversation._  Scott hurried over to his side then climbed onto the bed next to him. 

"Dude!" Stiles whined. He loved his best friend but this was a little too close for comfort. Scott gave him his best puppy eyes which resulted in Stiles just letting it go. The smile on Erica's face fell as she crawled in with them.

"You scared us, Stiles." She whispered to him as she rested her head on his chest. Scott nodded along before burying his head on Stiles' shoulder.

"I'm in the middle of a werewolf sandwich," Stiles tried to lighten the mood, giving a small laugh.

"I suck at being a friend. Stiles, I'm so sorry. Things have been so crazy with Allison, I didn't even noti-" Scott muffled the last of his words by hiding his face again. Stiles lifted his hand and awkwardly tried to pet Scott without irritating the bandages on his wrist. 

"It's not your fault, buddy." Having his best friend feel this guilty was not on Stiles' agenda. "I was having a tough time. It's not anyone's fault." If anyone in the room detected the slight hint of a lie in his words, they were kind enough not to comment. 

The door creaked open and a very bleak looking Isaac shuffled in and curled up at the foot of the bed. Isaac was never one for many words but this was a little too quiet, even for him. "Hey, Isaac," Stiles attempted a bit of a wave from the tangled mess he was under but didn't get anything but a strangled noise in response.  _This was bordering Boyd-quiet, and that's just not normal. Speaking of Boyd..._ Before he got to voice his concern, Boyd came in through the door next and gave Stiles a small smile. Stiles beamed, "Hey man!"

Now that the whole pack was here, he could start giving them a swift kick in their tails for being this down. 

"Now that you're all here, w- Wait where's the big bad wolf?" That earned him a couple playful growls. 

"Derek had to run back to the house to get a couple things done, he said he'd be back soon." Boyd answered in a low voice.  _Sometimes they forget not everyone around here has super hearing._  Stiles nodded and gestured for Boyd to climb in with them. 

"The more the merrier." There was a small laugh from his left where he thought Scott had already fallen asleep the way he'd gotten about a hundred pounds heavier on him. Boyd moved and sat on the edge of the bed. 

"How are you feeling, Stiles?"  _Confused, in a panic, missing Derek and when did this all start?_  Stiles shook his head at his thoughts and smiled at him. "Never been better man, small relapse. Totally fine, I'm like Batman!" That earned him a little laugh and Erica tilted her head up at him, "Can I be Cat Woman?" Stiles burst out laughing and nodded excitedly at her. 

"Wait, only if we can get you into the costume." She nipped at him and gave a small hiss.

"Jeez, okay, okay. Watch the merchandise." Despite where they were and what put them into this situation, Stiles was genuinely happy for right now. They kept talking about movies and super heroes until it was dark out.

xxxxxx

Derek wanted nothing more than to stay in that hospital room by Stiles' side but he knew it was up to him to bring Stiles a change of clothes. Scott would be too wrecked to be able to think straight, not that he does on a regular basis. Derek overheard the Sheriff saying that he had to work late and the rest of the pack hadn't gotten the chance to see Stiles yet, he was the only option. 

The window was still open the way Derek had left it when he climbed through earlier. Once he was inside his wolf was uneasy, making his eyes turn their inner red. The blood was still staining the floor where he had found Stiles just a few hours ago. Derek wanted to rip the floorboards out and get rid of any memory of Stiles being hurt.  _My mind is a warrior, my heart is a foreigner._  His eyes are the color of red like a sunset every time the wolf takes over him. 

Derek turned away from the door and started looking through Stiles' closet for a change of clothes. "This amount of flannel in one closet should be illegal," Derek grumbled. Pushing aside some of the empty hangers, he tried in the back of the closet but found nothing he thought would be comfortable. Turning back, he tried the dresser near Stiles' desk. 

Finding a few sweats and a couple of t-shirts thrown about, he picked one one that was folded neatly under everything else. Derek pulled it out and dropped everything in his hands. This was the shirt Derek had worn the day he was hit with that wolfsbane bullet. Despite everything he was saying, despite how many times he told Scott to let him die, not once had he meant what he said. Stiles never left his side, he wanted to help, even back when he didn't really know Derek at all.

Derek smiled as he carefully put the shirt back to how it was. Stiles' backpack was on the floor, Derek emptied it out and put the spare pants and t-shirts into it. A bottle of Adderall was sitting on top of the dresser and he threw that in as well. Zipping up the bag, Derek took one last look around to make sure he had everything Stiles may need. There were random papers, open books and notes all over the place.  _The pack really should show more appreciation to Stiles for all the work he does._  Derek scanned the rest of the room when his eyes landed on a poster he had never seen there before. Reading it slowly, Derek felt so many different emotions flood through him.

' **I am not a graceful person. I am not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2 am, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.** '

Once he finished reading it, he stopped and reread it, actually trying to read between the lines. Stiles was never one for just what's on the surface. This was so much more than just the words printed on paper. This was about Stiles, about his weaknesses, his strengths. This was no one seeing how much of an asset Stiles was, and how he felt like he was nothing more than a burden. Derek's fingers tightened against the strap of the backpack he was holding.

"If we should ever do this right, I'm never gonna let him down." Derek can't help but say out loud.  _He's never going to feel this way about himself again._  With that, Derek was out of the window and on his way back to the hospital. 

xxxxxx

The packs laughter filled the otherwise quiet hospital. Erica was the first to stiffen and sit up right before the rest of the pack followed her movements and they all climbed off of the bed. Erica locked eyes with Boyd before she spoke.

"You feel that?" The usually calm wolf was on guard as he nodded at her. 

"Yeah, that's intense," Isaac said quietly and turned to Scott who just added a simple, "Wow." 

"Is anyone going to tell the human what's going on?" Stiles asked, flailing his arms around to try to get some attention. After a few beats of silence Erica turned to him, "It's just Derek. We can sense each other's emotions, you know that. He just seems upset." Stiles immediately started to panic. Derek was never this worked up to get the rest of the pack on edge, Stiles would have noticed. There wasn't much time to question it because as soon as all the beta's turned to face the door, the Alpha walked in book bag in hand. 

"See you tomorrow, Stiles." Isaac smiled at him. Erica kissed his cheek and patted it lightly.

"Don't miss me too much."  _She's evil._  Stiles whined to himself but waved back at Boyd who was already on his way out of the door. Scott and Derek were having some sort of weird werewolf staring contest so Stiles cleared his throat. He wanted to question why everyone was leaving so suddenly but this seemed more interesting. 

"Uh, hello??" Scott let out a small growl at Derek before turning to Stiles with his sad puppy eyes. 

"I'll see you first thing after school tomorrow. Text me, okay?" Scott walked over, giving Stiles and awkward 'bro-hug' as he calls it, then left with the rest of them. Stiles eyed the grumpy wolf before him.

"Dude, is that my backpack?" Derek nodded and walked over to the chair he'd been sitting in earlier. The backpack was thrown next to Stiles on the bed. Derek made a well-go-ahead-and-look gesture and sighed. Eyeing it cautiously, Stiles unzipped it and beamed at the change in clothes. Having his friends get an eyeful every time he needed to go to the bathroom was getting to be really ridiculous. 

"Thanks, Derek. Wait, did you pack this?" Stiles asked, holding up a fistful of clothes and smirking at the wolf. "You have a heart!" he sing-songs. Derek glared at him then grunted and shrugged. 

"You needed someone to get you your things." Stiles' smirk faded and he smiled at Derek. This wasn't a side he was used to. This was the side of Derek he only got to see if there was a near-death experience.  _What a shame._  The realization came to Stiles that he'd never actually thanked Derek for everything. 

"I never really got to thank you. For saving me." Stiles said as he put everything back in the backpack and zipped it up. "Again." Derek shrugged his shoulders again and leaned back in the chair. 

"No need to thank me, Stiles. Can you try just once to keep yourself away from danger. Just once, that's all I ask." Derek gave him an awkward laugh like he was okay with everything.

"That's totally not all you're asking."  _Stiles, you need a brain to mouth filter,_  he kicked himself internally. Derek arched an eyebrow and sat up a bit in his chair.

"Stiles, seeing you that way wasn't easy for me. You need to know that you can come to me."  _Well this definitely isn't the Derek that I know._  "I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with but I'll try, alright? Just don'- don't do that again." He looked so wrecked, Stiles couldn't help but reach his arms out. "What are you doing?" Stiles rolled his eyes and made grabbing motions with his hands.

"Give me a hug, come on man." Derek was eyeing him suspiciously but gave in and got up off the chair. _Holy Batman, I didn't think he'd actually do it._  Derek leaned in cautiously and awkwardly put his hands on Stiles' shoulders. "Derek, what are you doing?" Stiles asked behind a laugh.

"I'm hugging you." Derek mono-toned. 

"No, you're not. Oh my God. Your hands go like thi-" He arranged Derek's hands to wrap around his back and then put his hands around Derek's neck. "Okay, now hug." Stiles was stifling a laugh until the thought occurred to him that Derek probably hasn't done this, in well, ever. Sure, maybe when he was younger but not in the past few years. This probably wasn't the best time to think of this but he couldn't help himself. It made him so sad. Stiles tightened his hands on Derek's neck and felt him stiffen all over. Before he could back away, Derek relaxed and tightened his grip around Stiles. It was awkward in this position, with him on the bed and Derek leaning over him but somehow it felt right. Stiles was starting to see it in his movements tonight, maybe there's something there. They could figure this out together. 

"You okay, man?" Stiles laughed when it felt like forever had passed. Derek shot up quickly, clearing his throat and taking his seat again.

"So, how are you feeling?" Stiles eyed him suspiciously. It wasn't like Derek couldn't tell exactly how he was feeling but he spoke anyway.

"I'm good. It was great seeing everyone. By the way, why'd they all run out of here?" Stiles couldn't help his curiosity. 

"I gave them some training to do."  _Well, I don't need to be werewolf to pick up on that lie._  "They'll be back tomorrow." Stiles nodded before shivering. Hospitals were cold. They also made him uncomfortable. He hated being here unless it was absolutely necessary. They reminded him too much of his mother. Derek got up from the chair again.

"Leaving so soon?" If Stiles was going to say he didn't like Derek's company, he'd be lying through his teeth.

"Move over." Derek ordered before shrugging off his jacket and putting it on the chair. 

"Wh-What?" Stiles stuttered trying to process what he was doing. 

"You're cold, move." Derek said as he got under the single sheet that was covering Stiles. "Relax," Derek told him. Surely he could hear Stiles' heart beating through his chest. Derek put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. 

"Jesus, you're like a thousand degrees." Stiles sighed happily as his body relaxed and started to warm up.

"Don't be so dramatic. Are you feeling better?" Derek questioned as he glanced over at him from the corner of his eyes. 

"Much." Stiles smiled happily and leaned his head on Derek's shoulder. The wolf huffed a laugh. "You're like a puppy." Derek said but let him get as close as he wanted to be. 

"You're one to talk, wolf-man." Stiles smacked him lightly then hissed in pain. For a moment there he'd forgotten about his bandages. Derek's eyes snapped open and he took Stiles' hand in his. He was rubbing it lightly, Stiles felt a small amount of heat and then the pain slowly drifted. "Quit wolfing me, I can take it." Stiles complained, pulling his hand away. Derek quickly pulled it back and kept it in his hands. Stiles felt his heart stutter at this.  _You're strumming on my heart strings like you were a grade 8, but I never felt this way._  Stiles looked up at Derek who was smiling down at him. "I know."

They held each other's gaze before Stiles yawned. He laughed awkwardly and curled back up at Derek's side. "I bet we're gonna find this awkward in the morning." Stiles laughed as he rested his head on Derek's chest. "You're staying right?" Wanting to kick himself for sounding so desperate, he knew it was no use since the damn werewolf could probably sense how hopeful he was. 

"Right." Was all he said back. 

"Okay, good. Can we talk tomorrow? Not now cause I'm really tired, but tomorrow?" Stiles rambled on. 

Derek tried to fight the smile threatening to come back out. "Yes. Sleep." Stiles nodded and before long, he was out cold. 

xxxxxx

 _My chest is a pillow for your weary head to lay to rest again. Your body is my ballpoint pen. Your mind is my new best friend and your eyes are my mirror to take me to the edge. I'll hold your heart to stop the bleeding now._  Derek's mind was driving him insane. Stiles had fallen asleep over an hour ago and he knew he had to get out of here before the Sheriff would show up but he made Stiles a promise. Stiles who was sprawled out on the bed, half of him on top of Derek. His head was still on Derek's chest and the wolf in Derek was howling to come out and claim. Suppressing his wolf wasn't easy, but necessary. 

"Stiles, I have to go." Derek whispered as he tried to get out of the bed. Stiles balled his hands in small fists in Derek's shirt, burying his face in his chest. Derek sighed and stayed put. Wrapping his arms around the boy slowly, Derek sighed.  _He's going to be the death of me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By now everyone should know that each chapter will be to a song in Ed Sheeran's album "+". You'll find a lyric here and there. I cannot stop thinking of these two when I listen to his music. Hope you're all enjoying the fic so far!


	5. Wake Me Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly, I have no self control and I had to put up another chapter within 24 hours. A huge thank you to my beta; [Chris](www.sourwolfhugs.tumblr.com) for being lovely as always. Thanks again for all of your feed back. Pack hugs all around!

The creaking of the hospital door caused Derek to freeze, his eyes flying open. After a moment the Alpha relaxed, realizing it was only Isaac. 

“Sorry, just wanted to check in. Everything alright?” The boy whispered as he stepped into the room as quietly as he could manage. A sleeping Stiles was never something to be disturbed. Derek nodded at his beta before speaking as softly as he could. 

“Do a complete sweep of his home. Anything with the faintest scent of blood, I want you to find. I don’t care if you have to dig up the ground, I want any blade he’s hidden out of that house. Take Erica and Boyd with you.” This was something Derek wanted to do himself but considering he couldn’t leave right now, he knew he could trust his pack to do it for him. 

“Anything else?” Isaac whispered, attempting to find any other way to please his Alpha. 

“That’s all,” the beta nodded and headed for the door. Before walking out, he chanced a look back to the bed where his Alpha had his arms wrapped around Stiles protectively. A small smile crept onto his lips as he finally gripped the door handle and left. It was still very early in the morning so Derek allowed himself to fall back into sleep.  _You just need to breathe to feel my heart against yours now_.

xxxxxx

Stiles woke to his father clearing his throat exaggeratedly. Guessing by the way Derek was frozen in place, he had also woken up. Panic flooded through him as he sat up but apparently when Derek decided to become a statue, he didn’t remember to pull his hands away. 

“Dad! Hey! Uh-” Stiles was stuttering and he knew Derek could probably hear the way his heart was thundering in his chest.

“Save it. I’ll see you both in the cafeteria in 5 minutes.” With that, the Sheriff walked out of the door without even giving them a second glance. Stiles buried his hands in his face, mortified. 

“Oh my God I’m going to die. I haven’t even graduated yet. Oh my- I’m going to die a virgin.” Stiles jumped when he felt a rumble beside him. The bed was shaking slightly and when he looked over Derek was- no. Derek was  _laughing_. 

“Oh just laugh it up, asshole,” Stiles elbowed him in his side and tried to make his way out of bed. Before his feet even hit the ground, Derek was out of bed and onto his side. 

“You need to be careful, Stiles” he was eyeing the bandaged hand that Stiles was leaning on. Stiles’ mind was running a million miles an hour. There were a thousand scenarios of his father killing them, paired with thoughts of Derek wrapping his arms around him and then realization struck. 

“You stayed,” There was no holding back the smile on his face. Stiles’ legs were hanging off the edge of the bed where he was sitting. Derek looked up to meet his eyes, probably ready to make some sort of an asshole comment about Stiles stating the obvious but instead he stopped short. They locked eyes for a moment and then Derek just nodded at him once. Stiles still couldn’t tell you why his heart skipped a beat at that moment. 

xxxxxx

Derek’s heart was beating out of his chest and he would never be more grateful than he was now that Stiles wasn’t a wolf. The Alpha’s eyes traced over Stiles, up towards his face. Thoughts in his mind began to deceive him. What it would be like to kiss those lips, mouth against that jawline, bite into that neck with just the right amount of pressure to drive him insane. Traveling up, he noticed that Stiles’ hair had grown out a bit. It was long enough to give him something to grab. Derek thought of running his fingers through it when Stiles was on his knees for him and where the hell are his thoughts going right now?

“You should never cut your hair.” Derek stated simply as if it was the least confusing thing in the world right now to Stiles who was just staring back at him, open mouthed now. Stiles licked his lips, his usual nervous habit and Derek’s eyes followed the movement, making him bite his own as he watched.  _And you will never know just how beautiful you are to me._  A page over the hospital’s speaker system seemed to make them both snap out of it. 

“Come on, Stiles.” Derek backed away from the bed, giving Stiles room to get down. 

“Dude, I’m still- I need-” Stiles was still dressed in the hospital gown. Derek spotted the backpack he’d gotten in the corner of the room and went to pick it up. Pulling out a change of clothes he handed it over to Stiles and made his way to the door. 

“Wait! Where are you going?” Derek spun around before replying. “I’ll just be on the other side of the door till you’re done.” The Alpha gave him one of his small crooked smiles and walked out. 

A few minutes passed before Stiles’ voice made it’s way to Derek’s head. “Dude, I know you can hear me. I need a little help.” Derek eyed the door suspiciously before taking a deep breath and walking back in. 

“Stiles.” The smaller boy was in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans that were unbuttoned and unzipped.

“This is ninety eight levels of awkward to ask but I can’t do them.” Stiles raised his bandaged hand with a frustrated sigh. It took all of Derek’s might not to laugh.  _This is probably a bad idea but if I don’t help him, who will?_  That was enough reason for Derek who crossed the room with careful steps until he was standing in front of him. Their eyes never broke contact, Derek searching for any sign of hesitation from Stiles until he finally let his eyes trail downward. After all, he needed to see what he was doing. Right? Stiles' heart beat was deafening in his ears but he could smell the want coming off of him in waves. It was moments like these that Derek wished he couldn’t sense these things. It made his self control so much more difficult. 

The shirt Stiles was wearing ran a bit small, defining the lean muscles he constantly keeps hidden in those shirts that are always two sizes too big. There was no hiding his build in what he was wearing now and Derek drank it all in. He watched as Stiles’ chest would rise and fall as his breathing quickened. Derek could clearly see a small trail of hair where his shirt met the waistband of his jeans. The hitch in his own breathing had probably gone unnoticed to Stiles as he tried to pull himself together. Hands reached out, pulling Stiles’ jeans a bit higher from where they were riding low on his hips. When Derek’s hands touched his skin, he felt like his fingers were freezing. Stiles always ran so cold.  

One of his hands lay on Stiles’ hip holding the jeans up while the other held the zipper pull between his fingers. 

“Derek,” Stiles whined, probably for him to hurry up. Derek was never one to take direction very well. He looked up at Stiles, pulling the zipper up slowly and then buttoned them up. Stiles’ hand came up to lay against Derek’s cheek, fingertips brushing against his skin where they were peeking out from under the bandages. For a wolf whose body ran about a hundred degrees, a simple touch from Stiles made his whole body feel like it was dipped in ice water. Stiles cooled him down in the strangest of ways. It’s like Derek was fire and Stiles was ice, and they found that balance in each other. Derek leaned into the touch and made a small noise in the back of his throat. 

“Stiles,” he warned. He loved the way his name sounded.  _I should ink my skin with your name._  Derek turned his head, taking Stiles’ hand in his and leaving a kiss on his bandaged wrist. “We should go.” Stiles nodded dumbly at him and followed him out of the door. They needed to get out of that room before either of them did something they’d regret. When they finally made it to the cafeteria, the Sheriff looked angry, to say the least.

xxxxxx

“I said 5 minutes.” John glared at his son before ushering for them to sit down in the chairs across from him. Stiles had no idea what was about to happen but he knew it would most likely be awkward. 

“Had a little trouble here, Dad.” Stiles waved his hand around as he took a seat. The look of guilt his father wore lasted about five seconds before it was replaced with his interrogation face. 

“Now which one of you is going to explain to me why Mr. Hale here was lying in bed with my underage son?” The Sheriff asked, lowering his voice at the second half of his question as to not have anyone around them hear their conversation. 

“You mean your fully clothed, fully responsible underage son who is almost eighteen by the way.” Stiles attempted to make things easier but with the way his father was squinting at him now, he knew he probably didn’t do that very well.

“That was my fault, Sheriff. I thought I was-” Stiles couldn’t believe what he was hearing so he cut Derek off immediately. 

“No, it wasn’t your fault. I asked him to stay. Yesterday was rough, and I didn’t want to be alone.” Stiles answered matter-of-factly. In a few hours when his head was clear he was probably going to kick himself for being so honest. “I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t feel-” Stiles stopped and bit at his fingernails nervously. Being put on the spot was not one of his favorite things.

“Feel what?” John was not letting anything go, not right now. 

“I didn’t feel safe, Dad… At least not till he agreed to stay.” The way they were both staring at him made Stiles shift uncomfortably. The Sheriff put his head in his hands and rubbed at his head with a frustrated sigh. 

“So this… thing with you two. Dating?” The look his father was giving him wasn’t anger anymore. He was just genuinely worried and curious. 

“What? Dad, no. I don’t think so anyway. Not yet? I mean, I don’t know? Am I even attractive to gay guys? Wait, Derek since when were you gay? Oh my God, I’m talking out loud again aren’t I? I’m just gonna bury myself in the ground now, okay? Great.” The horrified look on his fathers face almost made him laugh but when he finally looked at Derek he was wearing the stupidest smirk that Stiles just wanted to kiss off his stupidly attractive face.  _Stupid Derek_. 

“Well, alright then. Stiles, I expect you to tell me whenever you have these ‘movie nights’ and what you’ll actually be doing. Mr. Hale, I expect you over for dinner tomorrow night. Bring some pie.” Stiles was looking at his father with a mortified expression as the Sheriff was sliding out of his seat. 

“Yes, Sir.” Derek responded and stood to shake the Sheriff’s hand. 

“Stiles, get your things together. I spoke to Dan and you can go home today. I need to get back to the station. Derek, I assume you’ll be alright to drive him home?” Derek nodded at John who then turned and walked out of the cafeteria.

“I don’t even know what to say.” Stiles was still staring at where his father had been sitting.

“Stiles Stilinski, speechless?” Derek laughed.

“Shut up.”

xxxxxx

The drive home was in comfortable silence. When they finally got inside and up to Stiles’ room, Derek put Stiles’ backpack on the bed and headed for the door. “Call me if you need anything, Stiles.” 

“What, you’re leaving again?” His voice sounded hurt to Derek’s ears. 

“Would you like me to stay?” Derek wanted to stay, he really did but he didn’t want to push his own limits. This whole situation with Stiles needed to be thought about, he was still a teenager after all. Stiles gave him a small nod then smiled as a thought seemed to have crossed his mind. Turning, he started to rummage through the cases on the side of his desk then pulled one up for Derek to see. 

“Shrek? Really?” Stiles beamed at him and Derek felt his heart melt. “Fine, just once.” Stiles put in the DVD before jumping onto the bed with Derek, which they watched about a total of twelve times. Derek was about to throw himself out of the window when Stiles wanted to replay it again. Before he could, Stiles whined from in front of the player. 

“What’s wrong, Stiles?” Derek couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“I think I broke it,” he was holding a scratched up CD in his hands. 

“Well, you should’ve got a VCR. I never owned a blu-ray.” Derek shrugged. When he looked up, Stiles’ facial expression was priceless. 

“Who are you, my grandfather?” Derek rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, I know!” Stiles threw a game controller at him and Derek eyed it suspiciously. 

“It doesn’t bite, you know.” Stiles elbowed him when he got back on the bed and waited for his game of Mario Kart to start.

“But I do,” Derek grinned and definitely noticed Stiles staring a little too long at his toothy grin. Clearing his throat, he turned his attention to the screen. After a few rounds of Stiles royally kicking his ass, Derek chucked his controller at the television. 

“I’ve always been shit at video games.” Derek growled. Stiles' laugh echoed through the room. 

“No, no, no,” he managed between laughs. “You’re great.” Derek shoved him playfully. He didn’t need to be a werewolf to hear the bullshit in Stiles’ voice. After fixing the DVD player and a few more movies, they fell asleep again. Derek had taken a nap or two in the hospital but he hadn’t really had a good night’s rest in a while. They both lie there until they fall asleep. 

xxxxxx

The next morning Derek woke up to the smell of hot tea as he opened his eyes the right way. Stiles was standing there as he put the cup down, smiling down at him. 

“Drink this, it’s freaking cold out.” Derek stretched his body out in bed and stifled a yawn. Derek looked at his fingers. He never noticed just how tan his fingers were.  _Hmm.. I could do without a tan on my left hand, where my fourth finger meets my knuckle… What am I thinking? Maybe I’m just in love when he wakes me up._  This was the most relaxed he’d ever been in a while. Stiles being the first thing the Alpha would see in the morning was something he could get used to. It felt domestic. No. It felt _right_. He rolled over in the bed to where Stiles was standing and pulled him down onto the bed. 

“It’s too early. Sleep.” Stiles laughed but didn’t fight him on it. 

“Okay, okay. Goodnight Wolfy.”

xxxxxx

The next time Derek woke up it wasn’t as great as the last. It was to the sound of Stiles’ whimpers. It was clear that he was trying to hide the sound of his crying. His face was hidden in… a towel maybe? Derek jumped out of bed and followed the sound over to the bathroom.

“Stiles?” The Alpha tried to turn the knob but it was locked. The smell of his mate’s blood hit his senses just as soon as he stepped foot in front of the door. “Stiles! Listen to me. Open the door!” Derek tried but he could practically hear Stiles shaking his head from the other side of the door. Anger flooded through him.  _Where the fuck did he find another razor?_  Derek made a mental note to teach his beta’s how to do a job properly. There was no room for errors, not with this. Damaging the Sheriff's property wasn’t something he wanted to do, it was actually something he'd like to avoid but Derek stepped back and kicked the door in. 

Stiles was curled up on the floor with his legs to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. Derek fell to the floor beside him. Ignoring the blood around him, he wrapped his arms around the fragile boy. 

“Stiles, why didn’t you come to me. I’m right here. I’m always right here.” Derek tightened his grip around him and held him close. Stiles just kept crying and eventually his quiet sobs stopped as he fell asleep in Derek’s arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Stiles has a relapse. It had to happen. No one gets better after a day or two in the hospital. Please put down the pitchforks, it'll be okay. Don't forget to find me on Tumblr! I'm usually a lot quicker with responses there.  
> elegantlydisastrous.tumblr.com


	6. This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out to be super long so I had to break it in half. I'll upload 7 tomorrow. THE NEXT SCENE NEEDS ITS OWN CHAPTER, I PROMISE. This is all feels. Big thanks to Chris for being a flawless beta and for his patience with me.

Derek had arranged their seated positions on the floor so that now Stiles was sitting between his legs, his back pressed onto Derek's chest. The boy was still asleep but Derek wasn't even able to close his eyes long enough to take a nap. He remembered how Stiles had told his father that Derek made him feel safe... Funny, to himself he was the most dangerous thing in this damn town. Strong arms tightened around Stiles' waist as Derek pulled him closer. 

The Alpha re-wrapped Stiles' wounds after examining them, trying his best to be gentle as to not startle him. Luckily Stiles didn't cut through too deep this time. Derek was starting to think that Stiles just wanted to see himself bleed.

This feeling he got when he was with Stiles wasn't like anything he'd ever felt before. It's not like he had the world's amount of experience tucked under his belt. The only other relationship he had was with Ka-- _No. I don't even want to think that name._  Derek's jaw clenched and he struggled to pull his thoughts away. They were going in a dangerous direction, somewhere he didn't allow himself to go anymore but how could he not?

Kate fucked him up so bad he didn't even know what a relationship was. She told Derek she loved him then burned his whole life down around him. How can he even think of having Stiles in that way when he himself didn't even know what to expect out of it all? He didn't even know what it was like to be loved by someone in that way. Stiles stirred in his arms and Derek tightened his arms around the boys waist. 

 _This_ , Derek thought,  _could be the start of something beautiful_. If Stiles allowed him to, they could start something new. Derek wasn't stupid, he knew that there was no going back now. Stiles would be the one who'd make him throw it all away and start over. This was scary even to him, the thought of being with someone again. Hasn't it been long enough? Can't he allow himself to take what he wanted just this once? 

Here in his arms he had the most beautiful and fragile of creatures. It was amazing to Derek how Stiles could allow him to be so close, could tell him that he feels safe with him. Maybe that's what makes it all better, the fact that Stiles knows what he is and what he's capable of yet still chooses to have Derek around. That's not even the half of it. The worst part of all of this is, how Stiles doesn't see how important he is. His IQ is far past any other besides that Lydia girl.

Stiles was smart, incredibly so and the way he thinks is beyond reason. The boy is strategic. He researches, he devours any of all information he can retain and he uses it to their advantage. Derek can honestly say he's lost count of how many times Stiles has saved everyone on multiple occasions. If someone veers off the plan they had set, Stiles' mind is quick to help find another way. When all else fails and their backs are against the wall, Stiles always jumps in. Derek hates this.

Stiles never hesitates putting himself in danger if need be and that's the type of thing that drives Derek insane. Derek understands the instinct to protect that Stiles has, especially over his dad and Scott, and the others, but it's no excuse. He succeeds often times but always manages to get himself hurt in the process. All this doesn't mean that Stiles isn't an asset because really, he is. Stiles has his own forms of weapons. His mind, his words, and his heart. 

The pack needs someone like him around. Someone who get's in Derek's face no matter how angry or wolfed out he may be. Derek huffs a laugh and shakes his head, loosening his hold a bit on the smaller boy in his arms. Stiles really isn't one for a brain to mouth filter and if he's ever scared, he doesn't show it. Stiles reminds Derek to back off when he's being too hard on the pack. Taking it upon himself, he'll make sure the girls get out for some alone time and that Derek doesn't keep the whole pack training all night. Someone to remind them how important family and love are to a pack. Stiles stirs again in his sleep and this time he's yawning and trying to get up. 

"I feel someone hit me with a truck." Derek pulls his arms away and let's Stiles stand. When he looks up, Stiles is rubbing at his eyes. There's a faint hint of blush creeping into his cheeks and he smells embarrassed. Derek gets up and grabs a washcloth from under the sink. Wetting the edge in some warm water, he turns back to Stiles so he can clean him up a bit more. He tried while Stiles was asleep in his arms but it was difficult to finish so he had only focused on the cuts so they wouldn't get infected. 

"You've had a long day," Derek tells him simply. He's working the cloth down Stiles' arms, eyes not meeting his yet. Stiles stills his hand and pulls the cloth away.

"That's fine man thanks, I think I need a shower," Stiles says while tossing the washcloth into the trash can. Derek just nods at him and turns for the door.

"Thanks, Derek... I'm sorry about-" Stiles makes a gesture with his hands in hopes of summarizing everything that's been happening and whispers so low that anyone else wouldn't be able to hear, but he knows Derek did. 

"Nothing to apologize for, Stiles" and with that he walks out of the door and into Stiles' bed room. He knows he should leave. Really, he does but he just isn't ready yet, alright? Not with all the realizations that have been hitting him in the face lately. 

xxxxxx

After shutting the door quietly behind Derek, Stiles leaned both hands on the sink and looked into the mirror. Dark circles were around his eyes and he really did look how he felt.  _Worthless_. With a huff he turned away from the mirror. Some days he couldn't even bear to look at himself. Stiles walked over to the shower, turning the water on and letting it run hot. He peeled away his clothes layer by layer then got into the now steamy shower. 

As the hot water collided with his skin, Stiles hissed in pain. He'd forgotten about his bandaged wounds and shook his head. The water streamed down his body, running his body about a hundred degrees hotter than he normally felt. Stiles closed his eyes, letting the hot water release some of the tension in his body. Each of his hands came up to lean against the wall in attempt to hold himself up right. He was tired even for something as simple as this. Stiles' skin felt like it was burning, every drop of water feeling like a sting from a knife and it made him shudder. 

Every thought that he had been trying to avoid came crashing into him at once. Disappointment in himself seemed the strongest. He failed himself and everyone around him and it had barely been twenty four hours. Stiles had no control over the situation. Everything was just fine. He'd gone back to sleep in Derek's arms but the second his eyes were shut all he remembers is that nightmare. The same one that haunts him every day, playing in the back of his mind even when he's awake. 

It's his mother, dying in front of him, her hands in his. The Sheriff telling him that he killed his mother, screaming that he's killing him too. It's not being strong enough to fight Peter off as he crawled over a bloodied Lydia. Gerard throwing him down to the ground and beating him until it was visible how weak Stiles was. Unable to defend himself even to a human. It's Stiles being worthless, being in the way, being a burden and not being good enough to do the simplest of things. 

Stiles shook his head to clear away the thoughts and let the water hide the tears that would have stained his cheeks now. One thing that Stiles couldn't get out of his head was Derek. Derek and this new relationship they seemed to be having. Derek who stayed with him and took care of him. Who took him to safety and saved his life. Derek who he heard confessing one thing after another in that hospital room, who seemed to feel something for him despite his flaws. 

The things is, with Derek, he didn't feel so completely shitty. With Derek he felt safe. The man was an Alpha yet Stiles still felt the desire to protect him. There was no denying that he thought Derek was beautiful to look at either, any one would be able to tell how he felt about that. But with Derek, he was so much more than he let people on. Derek was loving, he cared for his pack and apparently Stiles was pack too. All of these feelings were so new, so overwhelming and Stiles wanted to explore every last one. Right now, there was nothing more he wanted to do than to walk out there and fall back into his arms again. 

The water began to run cold which meant he'd been in there for far too long. It was nothing new to have his thoughts get the better of him in that way. Turning the nobs slowly, he shut the water off and got out of the shower.  _I didn't bring a change of clothes. Shit._  Maybe he'd be lucky and Derek would have gone home by now. It's not like he had to stay.  _He probably has a million and one Alpha things to do._  Stiles grabbed the towel from the rack and tied it loosely around his waist.  _As If I needed any more help being awkward._ The world was a cruel place. Great sense of humor, but cruel nonetheless. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your continued support. Don't forget to find me on tumblr: elegantlydisastrous   
> Beware the next chapter, the smut cometh~ Also awkward Stilinski dinner, ftw.


	7. Kiss Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, the elections got the better of me. Enjoy, the smut cometh~

Pushing away all the thoughts from his head, Stiles turned the knob and walked out of the bathroom. He had no idea why his heart was racing or felt shy. Taking small steps, he opened the door slowly. As it creaked open he could see Derek sitting on the edge of his bed, cell phone in hand. It wasn't always that he got to see him like this, doing something simple and human. Usually every time they saw each other Derek was fighting off some type of evil , or screaming at everyone during a meeting.

Stiles' eyes wandered down the frame of the silhouette currently occupying his bed. Derek was built, this was nothing new but it was in smaller moments like this that Stiles found him at his most beautiful. The sun was shining through the edges of the closed blinds but not enough to fully illuminate the room, though a dim light covered Derek's entire form. Everything about the alpha was strong and intimidating in a way. Stiles licked his lips taking in the sight and that's when Derek's eyes snapped up to catch the movement.

The cellphone was slipped back into his pocket, his eyes never leaving Stiles'. Maybe this could be their moment. And not too long ago he'd maybe realized how much he actually started to like him. That maybe there was something more to how he always jumped to his side. Derek cleared his throat from where he still sat on the bed's edge, warm and inviting and Oh, Stiles had probably been thinking too long. Of course he couldn't help the blush creeping onto his cheeks or the smile that followed shortly after. 

xxxxxx

"Oh God- I thought you left. Sorry man, I-" Derek arched an eyebrow at the awkward mess in front of him. Just walking out of the shower, Stiles was clad in a small towel which was wrapped loosely around his waist. Small beads of water were still on his skin and Derek had to do everything he could not to get up and give into the urge to lick each and every one of them off. Derek could smell his arousal coming off of him in waves. He wanted this just as much as him. He couldn't bring himself to look away from Stiles' eyes. There was something in the look he was giving him that was so much more than lust, Derek could sense the faintest trace of love, need, and... realization?  
  
"Stiles." Derek muttered. 

"I just- I..." Stiles clearly didn't want anything to do with words because before Derek knew it, he was walking over to the bed. It was pure instinct when Derek held one of his hands out to meet Stiles and pull him over the rest of the way. Stiles stood between Derek's legs and ran his fingers through his hair. To his dying day, Derek would deny the small purr that escaped his lips at that gesture.

"Screw it." Derek heard Stiles mumble under his breath before leaning down for a quick kiss. It was as if he just wanted the feel of it. The wolf inside of Derek howled. This proved that his mate had wanted him back and that was enough but the Alpha knew better. Derek wanted nothing more than to take Stiles down and devour each and every inch of him but this was going to go at Stiles' pace, not his own. The soft press of lips had caught Derek off guard but it didn't take him long to kiss him back, just enough to show him that he wanted this too. 

Stiles pulled back and Derek tried his best to stifle the whine he wanted to let be heard. The smaller boy was wearing a look of calculation as he studied Derek. The Alpha knew that look, it meant that he was weighing out each and every possible outcome of the scenario the way only Stiles' brain would do. There was no time to protest the thought process because Stiles leaned back down for a kiss and it wasn't as barely there like their last kiss, this one was deep and passionate. This kiss was wanting, needing. 

Stiles inhaled sharply, threading his fingers in Derek's hair again, who then let out a soft growl. Derek licked at Stiles' lips, begging for entrance to which Stiles happily obliged. His lips parted slightly and Derek tilted his head, giving himself better access. They both fought for dominance, which Derek completely expected out of Stiles. Didn't matter what was happening, he would always stand his ground, always try to show you up. Derek kissed him with fervor, kissed him with the intent of showing him just how much he meant and just how fucking much Derek wanted him. Wanted to show him all of these things and more. The alpha wrapped one hand around Stiles' neck, pulling him down onto the bed with him. This earned him a small gasp from the smaller boy, which made him nip at his lips, wanting to hear that sound again and again. Derek led a small trail of kisses across Stiles' jaw line, down his neck and right to his throat. The alpha bit down gently eliciting another moan and sucking patches of skin until he was right back to Stiles' lips.

Switching their positions so that Stiles was now beneath him, Derek kept with the kiss, refusing to lose his focus. Pulling back momentarily, Derek had to stop and take in the sight before him. Stiles really was something beautiful. Those bright brown eyes shining back at him, filled with so much more than he could say, that adorable upturned nose that Derek has yet to admit he loved. Stiles was never one for exercise but the drills at lacrosse and his occasional sit-ins at pack training had given him a very lean and muscular build. His skin was patterned with a small trail of moles and that was definitely a beginning to some abs. _It's a shame it's usually under all those fucking layers_ , Derek thought and didn't even bother to stop his smile when he caught Stiles' faint blush.

"Dude, why are you staring at me?" Stiles was whining and Derek was smirking now, "Because you're beautiful." Derek bent down and planted a kiss onto his forehead. It was probably the most loving moment he'd ever let someone witness. Lips trailed down to Stiles' flushing cheeks, kissing his way to every inch he could reach. Derek caught Stiles' earlobe between his teeth, sucking once and letting out a small moan. "You taste so good. So right." The Alpha let his teeth scrape against it as he let go and kissed down his neck. 

 _And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed in my neck, I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet, and with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now._ Derek sat up, straddling Stiles underneath him so he could shrug off his jacket and pull of the rest of his clothes. With a seemingly experienced finesse, he was done within a moment and resumed his position. The only thing separating them was the towel that was still draped around Stiles' waist. 

Stiles let out a gasp when Derek moved from soft kisses to biting down on one of his nipples. He quickly soothed it by giving him a few small licks immediately after. Derek made his way down Stiles' lean body, placing open mouthed kisses in the trail of fire he was leaving across his icy skin. There were little nips and love bites with every kiss and Stiles was loving every moment of it if the sounds Derek was hearing were any indication. A small growl escaped his lips when he pulled away the towel. Licking his lips anxiously, he looked up at Stiles and his eyes were hungry. Stiles' dick twitched in anticipation as he watched Derek. 

"Oh God. Oh my God, is this really happening?" Stiles asked. Derek leaned down and licked a line up the inside of Stiles' thighs up to the base of his dick. The brown eyed boy arched wildly in response and he hadn't really done anything yet. 

"Open up," Derek said in an undertone as he rubbed his thumb across Stiles' bottom lip. That seemed to get him to shut up because his lips quickly parted as he obliged. Letting them slip between his lips, Stiles seemed to get a hang of the situation and started to suck on his fingers. Derek didn't even try suppressing the moan that escaped his lips at the sight. Once deemed wet enough, Derek was pulling away from Stiles' hot mouth and slowly slid one of his fingers into Stiles. Stiles bucked beneath him, trying to relax at the intrusion. Derek moved slowly, creating a bit of a rhythm then added another finger. 

Stiles' head fell back and he closed his eyes tightly, letting out a small moan. This was Stiles' first time and Derek couldn't let himself lose control no matter what. Stiles' breathing hitched, catching in his throat as he shuddered at Derek's touch. The alpha loved seeing him react so well that way. Stiles was moving against Derek's hand now, meeting every little movement. "More," Stiles whined, breathing rapidly.

"Fuck, Stiles. You're so fucking tight," Derek practically whined but he didn't need to be told twice. Sliding his fingers out of Stiles' ass, he relished in the sounds he was making at the loss. 

"Derek..." It was like music to his ears, having this name fall from those lips, sounding so wrecked, it was sinful. The alpha positioned himself with Stiles' hole. With a tense gaze he looked down at him, a little worried. Sure, he didn't want anything more than this but it wasn't just about him. "Are you ready?" Stiles locked eyes with him and Derek swore they had never looked more sure. The small nod he was given after wasn't even needed after the look they had just shared. They both wanted this, more than anyone ever knew. _Kiss me like you wanna be loved, cause this feels like falling in love._ Derek leaned down for a kiss. It was tender and gentle, said more than he probably ever could. 

Derek lifted Stiles' leg onto his shoulder and intertwined their fingers with the other hand. Anywhere else and Derek wouldn't want to show much affection but right here, right now, he didn't want to let him go. _Settle down with me and I'll be your safety; you'll be my baby._ Derek pulled away from the kiss briefly so he could focus on inching his way in. Stiles sucked in lungfuls of air and small jolts of pleasure rocketed through him. Derek bottomed out into Stiles, holding himself there for a moment before rocking his hips slowly. There was enough self control in him to stay at this pace until Stiles was ready for more. The thought didn't last long, if the scratches Stiles was marking into his shoulders were any indication so he thrust deep inside of Stiles again, filing every inch and then some. 

A small shiver made Stiles jerk momentarily and Derek's eyes caught the goosebumps that rose onto his skin. Stiles always ran so cold, but Derek would fix that now. Lowering himself down a bit, he kissed Stiles again and this time biting at his lips. _I was made to keep your body warm, but I'm cold as the wind blows, so hold me in your arms._ Derek was caught off guard when Stiles wrapped his arms around him in an almost bear hug, pulling him in closely and deepening the kiss. It's been a while since Derek last felt at home, but now he felt like he belonged. Right here in Stiles' arms it felt right, felt perfect.

Not too long after, Stiles was trying to push himself harder against Derek, meeting his thrusts with his own, grinding his ass onto his dick. Small drops of precum were falling none too gracefully onto Stiles' stomach and that's when Derek dropped his leg from his shoulder. Taking hold of Stiles' length, he pumped him as he sped up his pace. The sounds Stiles was making were incredibly obscene. Everything that had to do with those lips and that mouth should be criminal. Derek could see stars every time he heard Stiles' soft moans. He wanted, no he _needed_ to hear more. Once he knew that Stiles was almost over the edge, he let him go and angled his body up higher so he could hit his prostate more directly. Stiles practically yelped, his fingernails clawing into his back like they had been earlier.

"Derek, I'm not gonna la-I can't..." Stiles was gasping between words, trying so hard to hold on for him.  
  
"Come for me, Stiles. Do it." Derek was slamming harder into him, feeling himself close as well and that's all Stiles needed to hear before his cum was spilling over them. Derek's name was a moan from his lips as he rode out the last of it, his body shuddering. Stiles' breath was harsh and uneven but finally started to relax. Derek quickly followed then collapsed on top of him, wrapping his arms around him closely. Small beads of sweat against his skin reminded him that they had to have a much needed shower. All of that could wait for now, this moment was too great for him to even attempt to move. 

"Dude. Can't," Stiles inhaled sharply before continuing. "...breathe." Derek huffed a laugh, rolling over on his side, studying Stiles' face. He didn't know what he'd do with himself if he even sensed the faintest hint of doubt. The funny thing was, Stiles seemed content, happy and... satisfied. Derek felt his wolf howling in happiness at this before settling down. _I've been feeling everything from hate to love, from love to lust; from lust to truth. I guess that's how I know you._

"You're perfect..." Derek mumbled as his fingers traced the moles on Stiles' body. Every time his hands would trace over a bruise or scar he would stop, circle it a few times, rub it gently then move on. His fingers finally found their way up to Stiles' very swollen lips and ran his thumb across them gently. Stiles was clearly too tired to make any comments but Derek knew he would hear something soon. Stiles gave him a small smile, then leaned in to give Derek a small peck. The kiss was definitely not enough for Derek, making him pounce on top of Stiles again, kissing him hungrily.   
  
This was different than anything else Derek had ever experienced. It wasn't just sex or a quick fix to get the tension out. Derek bit down on Stiles' lips, teeth grazing gently at first then biting harder before pulling away. The alpha was back on his side again, wrapping his arms around Stiles, pulling him closely against him. The wolf in him was howling again screaming out how Stiles was his, his, HIS. Derek left an open mouthed kiss on Stiles' neck before burying his head there. "Mine..." he whispered as quietly as he could, tightening his hold around him. He never wanted to let go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so writing smut isn't my strongest suit, but I think it came across the way I wanted it to. Huge thanks to my beta Chris, again. You're the greatest.  
> Next chapter: Awkward family dinner & flangst. Yay!


	8. Give Me Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the greatest beta, Chris [sourwolfhugs].

Stiles' mind was racing now that they were laying down in silence. Derek's arms were still wrapped loosely around his waist. 

"Stop," Derek grumbled from his side. The sound in the otherwise quiet room made him jump. 

"Stop what? Everything's fine. F-Fine. Fantastic. Freaking fundamentally flawless over here!" Stiles was gesturing wildly like he usually does. And okay, so maybe it wasn't his best answer for a time like this but considering he was freaking out, he'd give himself a pass. 

"Stiles... I can practically  _hear_  you thinking too much." Stiles took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. He has spent enough time researching and being around werewolves to know that they can hear your heart beat. They can also sense things, like when you're lying. They sense your emotions, when you're angry, when you're happy, when you're arou- _Oh god. Freakin' werewolves._  It was just in Stiles' nature to have these thoughts get the better of him.  _I mean really, what does  any of this even mean? I just had sex. I had sex with a werewolf. I had sex with Derek HALE, who apparently cares. Well he's always cared about his pack but this is different. This is... What the hell is this?_  His thoughts were interrupted by a groan and Derek tightening his hold, pulling Stiles closer.

"Dude, air!" Stiles whined as he pawed at the Alpha's arms. Derek sighed, pulling back and sitting up in the bed. The look he was giving Stiles meant business and Stiles felt his heart sink to the ground, it was time to talk.  _Lately I've been waking up alone. Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt. Told you I'd let them go._

xxxxxx

Derek sat cross legged on the bed besides Stiles who was still laying down. Nudging him softly, he finally got the hint and sat up as well. There was no confusing the nerves he sensed radiating off of Stiles. The smaller boy mimicked the same position, mirroring him easily. Derek wanted to smile, laugh at how adorable Stiles was but right now he needed answers, he needed to know how to be there for him.

"What happened?" It was a simple question, he'd stand by that to this day but the reaction it caused will forever haunt him. He could almost see the moment Stiles' mind started to wander, possibly thinking back to the things that he saw before he was sent into that place. Stiles' eyes began to water, his hands began to shake and his heartbeat was picking up in pace. 

"Stiles," Derek tried snapping him out of it, he didn't want to lose him to whatever this was. Stiles' fingers clasped around the bandages on his left wrist, Derek's eyes not missing the movement. 

"You have to listen to me Stiles, please," taking Stiles' hands in his, he held tightly and kept talking. "Whatever this is, you can't let it take over you. You're strong, so strong. Are you listening to me?" Another small squeeze to his hands had Stiles' eyes snap up to meet his, tears flowing down his cheeks. 

"I-I need to..." Stiles started, "I have to go to the bathroom," Derek shook his head and didn't let up on his hold. 

"No. Stiles you can't give into this. Talk to me." Shaking his head again, Stiles looked frustrated. "You don't understand. I just- I have to to." 

"Stay with me, give a little time. We'll turn this around. I don't care what it takes, Stiles. Just don't give in. I'm here for you, I'm here  _with_  you." Derek wanted to kick himself for being this open, this vulnerable but what Stiles needed was far greater than himself. He was waiting for an answer but then the look in Stiles' eyes said it all. A small squeeze back to Derek's hands was all the assurance needed. 

"I'm fine. You know, aside from the jumpiness, constant fear that something bad is about to happen. I feel like I can't even breathe. Like I'm drowning. And my Mom," Stiles stops momentarily at the mention of his mother, "it's all my fault. My Dad doesn't even-I just. Everything is going down hill and I'm at the center of it all and I can't.. I-" Derek was listening to every single word, wondering in his mind how someone as amazing as Stiles could feel this way about themselves. Instead of saying that, he pulled Stiles in for a hug. Hugging wasn't something Derek would ordinarily do but it came easily with Stiles. Wrapping his arms around him tightly, he rubbed his back before letting go. 

"Stiles, I want you to listen to me alright? This world isn't perfect, there's so many crazy things out there and it's alright to be scared sometimes. I mean, if it makes you feel any better, I do. You're not drowning and if you ever feel like you are, I'll pull you back up. I owe you one anyway." Derek gave Stiles a smirk, recalling the time he held him afloat when they were being attacked by the Kanima. It managed to get a small smile but Stiles didn't say a word back.

"I know what it's like to lose a parent..." Derek bit back the urge that his wolf had to get angry when his family was brought up. "It isn't easy but it's not okay to blame yourself. She was sick Stiles, and you being by her side, it made her happy. She loved you and your Dad, he loves you. You're young, you're going to make mistakes. It comes with the territory, he knows that. Stiles you're the glue that holds so much of this together." Stiles' scoff made Derek's eyes shine for a moment.

"I mean it. You're smart, you're funny... Stiles you made the pack a family. You're so important to everyone's lives. And you're loved. You're so loved." Stiles' eyes found his again.

"And by you?" Derek smiled at the hopefulness in his voice, "By me." Derek was caught off guard when Stiles leaned in for a kiss. The Alpha kissed him back full force, parting his lips and giving a pleased hum. Derek pulled away from his lips, kissing his cheek, and brushing away the tear stains on Stiles' face. 

"So. What do you want from this besides you know, me? Great taste by the way." Stiles gestured to himself and gave a thumbs up.

"All I want is the taste that your lips allow." Derek said in a sing song voice. The horrified look on Stiles' face was priceless.

"Oh my God, did you just quote Ed Sheeran lyrics? Where do you even listen to music in that cave. Do you own a CD player? Is there even a radio in that hou-" Derek had enough of Stiles' ranting and closed the gap between them for another kiss. 

"Shut up, Stiles." Derek mumbled between kisses. Stiles' phone rang and it made him jump.  _He wasn't joking about the jumpiness._  Derek nodded at Stiles to answer the phone, instead he just shook his head. "Let it go to voicemail." His phone beeped with a text shortly after. Stiles reached over for it and Derek tried his hardest not to follow the stretch of skin before him. 

"Shit! I forgot. Dad's gonna be here in an hour with dinner. Oh my God." Stiles started freaking out and Derek just pounced. Laying down on top of him, Derek crushed their lips together and felt Stiles immediately relax under him. 

"That's cheating." Stiles mumbled. Derek laughed and started peppering kisses on every patch of skin he could reach. 

"Give me love like her." Derek laughed as he sang before kissing across Stiles' jaw. "Cause lately I've been craving more." He nipped playfully before moving down to Stiles' neck and placed open mouthed kisses there, his body grinding slightly as he moved.

"And it's been a while but I still feel the same," Stiles finished for him. Derek's eyes snapped back to Stiles' and he knew they were glowing that crimson but he'd be damned if he said he could help it. Derek felt consumed with want, with need, with love, with...  _Stiles_.

"Give me love," his voice was rough, gravely almost. The alpha's lips found Stiles' again. He'd give up a thousand lives to stay in this moment forever. Derek hadn't felt loved in a very long time, but right here, right now... this was the start of something special. 

Stiles blinked up at him and gave a small smile.

"Come on man, my dad's gonna be home soon. I'm pretty sure you don't want him to shoot you on our first date." Stiles was laughing but Derek arched an eyebrow at him.

"Date?" he asked curiously.

"Well, yeah? Kind of?" Stiles was blushing. This was too much.

"Stiles, do you want to  _date_  me?" Derek was ecstatic but he couldn't let it show, not yet.

"Yeah? I mean... don't you?" Stiles bit his lip in the way he did when he was nervous or unsure. Derek would be insane if Stiles felt unsure about this.

"Of course I do," Derek answered. "But Stiles, this wasn't a date. We'll do it right." The smile he received at that did not melt his heart. Not at all. 

xxxxxx

"Let me get this straight... Now you two  _are_  dating?" The Sheriff asked, waving the big spoon between the two of them. Stiles and Derek were sitting on the opposite end of his father and he couldn't help feeling a little bit like this was more of an interrogation than a meal. 

"Yeah Dad, now can you pass the mashed potatoes?" Cooking wasn't one of his strong suits so John had gone to Popeyes for 'dinner'. Eyeing him suspiciously, his father caved and passed them over. 

"Alright, but there will be ground rules. Stiles, curfew by ten. Twelve on the weekends. Mr. Hal-Derek you will be knocking on the front door, and you will take care of my son. You won't be hurting him. Do I need to remind you that I have a loaded weapon?" Derek shook his head, "No sir."

"Good. Pass the chicken." John gave Derek a soft smile and he noticeably relaxed. 

"Dad!" Stiles whined, wondering how hard it would be to bury himself under the mashed potatoes. Derek took hold of his hand under the table and squeezed it once. Stiles suddenly felt happy, safe even. He turned his head, sneaking a glance over at Derek and he was smiling too. Maybe not as wide as Stiles was right now, but enough to mean the world to Stiles. 

"Oh Go-Do I have to give you two the sex talk? You  _will_  be using protection." Stiles was gaping at his father. After a few seconds of awkward silence and Derek trying his level best to stifle his laughter, Stiles regained his speech. 

"What the hell, Dad?!" This was definitely horrifying. John smiled and the entire evening went smoothly after that.

xxxxxx

A little while after they had finished their 'dessert' or otherwise known as the slice of week old cheesecake they sold at the counter, Stiles got up to clear the table and do the dishes. Derek was still sitting across from John who was studying him now. 

"Thank you for taking care of him. Things have been crazy at the station, we lost so many men after the last fiasco to hit this town. I'm sorry I haven't been around." Derek nodded at him in understanding. 

"It's my pleasure, Sheriff." Derek said in an undertone. He had a feeling this was a conversation they should keep to themselves. 

"Call me John. Listen Derek, I'm sure you understand the issue I have with the age gap but he seems happy. Really happy." John was looking over at his son through the doorway who was humming to himself while he did the dishes. 

"I understand." Derek followed the movement and smiled. 

"I've gotta head back to the station, working a double. You'll be back for dinner tomorrow?" The Sheriff asked as he got out of his chair.

"Yes, sir." Derek told him, trying not to show how shocked he was by the invitation. John nodded at him once. 

"Stiles, I'm heading out. I'll be back in a few hours. We're gonna have a talk then." Stiles gave his father a look but smiled, "Fine. No more diet cheating. Don't think this was permission, tonight was a one time free pass." John rolled his eyes and grabbed his keys off of the table. With a small wave of his hand, he was out of the door. Stiles was still doing the dishes when Derek walked into the kitchen. Leaning against the doorway, he watched him for a moment. It was nice seeing him this way. It was so calming, so domestic. Derek walked over to Stiles from behind, wrapping his arms around Stiles' waist then pressing a small kiss to his neck.  _I just wanna hold you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna say a small thank you to everyone to has been commenting/giving kudos and just awesome feedback. It's really nice to hear from you all every time I update. It means a lot, thank you.


	9. Lego House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to my beta, Chris! I wanna also wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving.<3!

“Careful, I might get used to that,” Stiles laughed. Having his own personal heater was great, especially in this cold weather.  _And it’s dark in a cold December, but I’ve got you to keep me warm and if you’re broken I will mend you. I’ll keep you sheltered from the storm that’s raging on._  He relaxed his body against Derek’s, leaning his head back onto his shoulder. Derek tilted his head to the side, giving him a small kiss before pulling away with an appreciative hum. Stiles turned in his arms to face him. The glint of happiness in Derek’s eyes caught him off guard. Stiles’ face immediately fell. 

“What’s wrong?” Derek’s voice broke through his thoughts easily. 

“I just… The phrase ‘too good to be true’ comes to mind.” Stiles gave a bitter laugh and tried to pull away from Derek who only tightened his grip. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Stiles. I may be out of touch but I’ll pick you up when you get down. I’ll be here as long as you let me.”  _And out of all these things I’ve done I think I love you better now._  Stiles watched in disbelief as Derek spoke.  _It almost sounded like he thought Stiles was too good for_ him _._

“Derek, you’re perfe-” Stiles was cut off before the sentence was even over. “You deserve better.” Derek was visibly getting worked up if the faint hint of fang and claw had anything to say about it. 

“I-What? Derek have you  _seen_  you?” A small eye roll was all he got in response. ”How about we screw this up together?” Stiles asked hopefully. He didn’t know what it was about Derek that made him want to try when just last week he’d say he was still intimidated by him.  _Actually no, that’s a lie. I could come up with a list of reasons why Derek makes me want to try._  Derek looked conflicted for a moment before nodding and pressing his lips to Stiles’ softly. 

The front door opened and Stiles tried to move away again but Derek didn’t loosen his grip. Horrified that it may be his father walking in to see them pressed up against the sink, Stiles began to squirm. The Sheriff was already being more accepting than they thought he would be and Stiles didn’t want to push his luck. He didn’t have to try wiggling away for long, considering the pack came walking into the kitchen only moments later. Stiles playfully smacked Derek’s shoulder for letting him freak out. 

“You knew!” Stiles accused as he shoved at him again. Derek gave him a small smirk before quickly pulling himself together, going back to his usual stony features. He acted like it’d be illegal for the pack to see him smile. 

“Dude,” Stiles looked over Derek’s shoulder to see Scott shielding his eyes. “Come on!” Stiles glared at his best friend.

“As if _anyone_ in this room really has the right to talk.” They all looked down guiltily, except for Erica who was smirking at him knowingly. 

“Get it together boys, we brought movies!” Lydia said as she waved around a few DVD’s. 

“I thought we’d have the meeting here tonight.” Derek whispered to him. “You know we’re still fixing the house and…” Stiles nodded as everyone left the kitchen and piled into the living room. The pack has been fixing it together over the summer and it feels so much more like home. The damn thing might as well have been made of Lego’s, so at least if things went wrong they could knock it down. The only construction left was the top floor before they're finally finished. 

“I’ll make the popcorn,” Stiles groaned. Derek pressed himself harder against him, pinning him to the counter. 

“Stiles…” The sound of his name from Derek’s lips accompanied by the low growl, rumbled through his body. Looking up to into the Alpha’s eyes, Stiles' breath caught in his chest. There were very few times when Stiles would catch Derek looking at him this way, with a look of pure  _want_  and it made Stiles want to pounce on him.

“Derek, we can’t.” Stiles tried to manage through breathy gasps as he cocked his head to the direction of the living room. Being this close to Derek made his head spin. And oh, that’s definitely Derek’s hard on pressing into him right now.  

xxxxxx

Derek couldn’t decide what looked better, Stiles’ lust filled eyes or his delectable parted lips. When Stiles’ tongue snuck out to lick his lips in nervous habit, Derek’s figures they won hands down. The alpha leaned down, biting lightly on Stiles’ now wet lips. He gave a few more small nips, capturing his lower lip between his teeth, pulling back slightly before letting go.

Derek had been denying his attraction to Stiles for so long that now that he had him, he never wanted to let him go. He never wanted moments like this to pass them by. Derek finally moved away after one more kiss, less demanding and more passionate. The heated blush in Stiles’ cheeks made Derek smile. Knowing he had that effect, that he was the one to put that blush there, it made him smile. “Sorry,” he told Stiles with a smirk.

“Yeah, you look it.” With a laugh, Derek moved for the cupboard. Finding the big bowl, he waited as Stiles took out the popcorn and the rest of the snacks. They worked together like this for a while, until almost everything was finally ready. Derek felt a sudden pang in his chest. He hasn’t done anything this domestic in far too long. It felt right, felt at home.

Derek leaned back against the countertop, his hands gripping the edges at his sides as he watched Stiles. The smaller boy was making sandwiches for the pack. Even the simplest thing he did with such precision. Derek could tell that Stiles loved doing this. He loved the family bonding and Derek did too. It was important to the wolf to be around them, to bond. A fond smile found its way to Derek’s lips.  _My three words have two meanings, there’s one thing on my mind; It’s all for you._ Stiles looked up momentarily with the spoonful of mayonnaise still in hand. 

“What?” Derek noted the embarrassment on his face before replying, “Nothing. I just like this.” Stiles quirked an inquisitive eyebrow at him.

“Like what?” Stiles asked again. Derek gestured around them, “This.”  _It feels like home_ , he doesn’t say. Somehow he feels like Stiles already knows. And somehow without all of that, Stiles seemed to understand because he nodded at him after a moment of holding his gaze, “Me too.” 

Derek took a deep breath. Things were always easier with Stiles. Derek didn’t have to feel like he had to spill all of his emotions or draw a freakin’ diagram for people to understand him. He never knew how to express himself anyway. Derek enjoyed being a man of few words and Stiles didn’t push him.

“We should get in there.” Stiles nodded in agreement and picked up the two plates of sandwiches, heading for the door. Derek grabbed the bowl of popcorn and the bowl of Doritos he found stashed in the cabinet, then followed Stiles out. 

“Finally,” Boyd mumbled from the end of the couch where he was seated beside Erica, Scott and Allison. Isaac was curled up beside it on the floor. Derek stepped over Danny and Matt to give him the bowl of Doritos and put the popcorn down on the coffee table in front of them. Lydia and Jackson were on the love seat beside the center couch and the love seat on the other end was empty. Derek wanted to glare at his betas obviousness but decided he’d liked it better this way anyway. 

The alpha took a seat on the couch while Stiles set the sandwich plates on the table. A string of ‘Oh my God’ phrases followed. Clearly they weren’t expecting him to fix lunch. 

“Oh my God, you’re the greatest,” Scott told his best friend as he stuffed his face with half of a sandwich. The rest of the pack followed suit and Derek took note of the smile on Stiles’ face when he watched them. The alpha reached out, pulling Stiles down onto the couch beside him. 

“Warn a guy, will you?” Stiles was laughing and rested his head on Derek’s shoulder. He immediately tensed and Derek just knew it was because he didn’t know if the alpha would be alright with things like that around the pack just yet. Derek put an arm around Stiles’ shoulder and pulled him close. That should say more than just the fact that it’s okay.  _And it’s so hard to say it but I’ve been here before. Now I’ll surrender up my heart and swap it for yours._  

The sound of a camera shutter made Stiles straighten up, alert. Derek’s eyes zoned in on Lydia who was smiling evilly and gave her a small growl. She rolled her eyes as she tucked away her phone. “Well someone isn’t any fun.”

xxxxxx

“So what are we watching?” Stiles asked as he turned his head to the television.

“The Notebook,” Matt groaned as he threw some popcorn at Lydia. She caught it effortlessly and threw it back at him.

“Seriously? Again? Whose idea was that?” Stiles asked, exasperated. 

“Lydia!” They all said in unison. Everyone burst into laughter and Lydia glared at them. Stiles was shaking his head when his eyes caught Scott’s. His best friend gestured for the door and they both got up. Derek’s hand went out to grab Stiles’ as he looked up at him. 

“We’ll be right back,” Stiles replied, ignoring the somersaults in his stomach at the simplest touch. Derek looked between them a few times before nodding and letting go. Scott was the first to walk outside, Stiles not too far behind.

“What’s up man?” Stiles was curious as to what Scott needed. He just shook his head and walked a little further when they were outside. Clearly they were still in ear shot and Scott didn’t want to be heard. When they were finally far enough, he turned to him before he spoke.

“Is everything okay?” Scott had his full on puppy face on. But what Stiles didn’t understand is why he couldn’t ask him this when they were still home. “Derek isn’t like… pressuring you or anything, right?” Scott asked, visibly cringing at his own words. At least now being dragged away from the house made sense. 

“What? Scott, no. I know it’s crazy to believe but we just sort of… fit? He’s been really great with everything. Saved my life, you know.” Stiles’ voice was a bit lower as his mind went back to that night.

“Yeah. I know. About that… I’m sorry I wasn’t there, it’s just things with the Argents have been crazy and I know I’m probably such a bad friend but-” Scott was rubbing at his neck nervously, he was never really good with words.

“Come on buddy, I don’t blame you. It was just right place, right time with Derek. I understand, man.” Stiles spread his arms as wide as they could go and gave Scott a smile. “You know you want to.” Scott rolled his eyes but shuffled over, hugging him tightly. 

“I’m here for you, Stiles. You’re gonna be okay, right?” Scott asked, hopeful. Stiles nodded at him. “I think so. He makes it better.” Nodding awkwardly, Scott looked down before asking his next question. “He really makes you happy, doesn’t he?” Stiles beamed at him and nodded once. Scott shoved at him playfully and turned to walk back to the house. “It’s still really weird but that’s great, Stiles. I’m glad.” Stiles jumped on his back and demanded a piggy back ride the final few feet back to the house. 

When they walked in, Derek’s eyes were trained on his curiously. Stiles gave him a small smile to which he simply nodded and went back to watching the television. When Stiles sat back down beside him, he pretended not to notice when Derek’s phone chimed with a text message from Lydia, no doubt the picture she’d taken. Derek leaned in close, “Can you come over tonight? We should talk.” Stiles nodded, trying not to worry too much and attempted to focus on the rest of Noah and Allie’s love story.  _And out of all these things I’ve done, I will love you better now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your continued support. This fic is almost over!


	10. Beyond the Pale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LKAJASDF thank you for the 10k+ hits. You're all great. Big thank you to my beta, Chris. PS: I just wanted feels.

"Mom! No!" The sound of Stiles' screams filled the Stilinski home. "Please... This is- It's all my fault." Stiles tossed and turned in the sheets, kicking at the blanket that was making him sweat. All he could see was his mother, the fear in her big brown eyes. Blood drenched her body and as her eyes connected with his. He watched her mouth an 'I love you' before he saw the life leave her eyes. "NO!" Stiles ran over, pushing aside the driver who had just climbed out of his car to witness the damage. _Just lay it all down on me, it’s getting harder for me to breathe._

"Stiles?" Stiles could faintly hear his name being called out over and over. It was distant but worried and sort of demanding. "Stiles, wake up." He tried to follow the voice, latch onto it and get out of this place. A few more calls made him aware that it was Derek. Derek wanted to save him. _You can't save me from myself._ "Please," The alpha sounded worried and Stiles couldn't bear that. With one last look at his mothers' frail body, Stiles focused, followed the only voice he could hear.

A moment later Stiles shot up, gasping for air. Still on the couch, he realized that he'd probably fallen asleep during the movie. The rest of the pack was gone, but Derek was still here sitting beside him looking... scared? Derek's hand reached over and wiped away the tears that Stiles hadn't even known were staining his cheeks. Taking deep breaths, he tried to steady his breathing. Breathe in, exhale. "I-I'm sorry." Derek just shook his head, shushing him.

Derek's hand found his, uncurling Stiles' fingers from where they were wrapped tightly around his wrist. The urge to cut into himself was stronger than ever. He needed this, needed to punish himself for what he did. Derek didn't understand, his father didn't understand, no one would. Stiles' hands were shaking, lips quivering. "All my fault," he kept repeating to himself even as Derek wrapped his hands around him, pulling him close. "You don't understand," Stiles shook his head trying to get out of Derek's hold. He didn't deserve to deal with all of this mess.

"I do... better than anyone else could." Stiles heard Derek mumble as he pressed a small kiss to the top of Stiles' head. "It's going to be okay." Stiles sniffled and turned to bury his face in Derek's chest. The want to get up and find one of his razors was strong but he didn't want to give in, no matter how much he wanted to make himself bleed. No matter how much he wanted to see himself covered in blood instead of his mother. So he stayed there for the next hour wrapped in the arms of the person who was probably just as broken as he was if not worse.

"Hey, Derek?" Stiles whispered through the silence.

"Hmm?" The alpha nodded for him to go on.

"What did you want to talk about earlier?" Stiles wondered.

"Nothing," was all he got in response. Stiles pulled back to be able to look at him. The smaller boy arched an eyebrow at him because well, hello... you don't fool a Stilinski. "Want to try that one again?" Derek looked frustrated to say the least.

"I'm leaving. I just- I thought maybe I should go away for a few days. I have some things to take care of in New York anyway and-" Stiles was shaking his head before Derek could even continue. It felt like Derek was the only good thing in his life, his one constant lately and if that gets taken away from him... _Maybe I was right? He never really wanted this. Why would he, when he looks like that and I look like... this._

"Stiles?" Stiles pulled himself away from the embrace and stood up. "Yeah, totally. You've got things to do and there's no reason to tie yourself here and yeah. You should go." He wiped his hands on his pants nervously and tried to smooth out his shirt to occupy his hands with _something_. "I need a shower and I'm gonna go do that now."

"Stiles, wait," Derek tried as he stood. "Dude, that shower is totally calling my name. But listen, I'll see you when you get back or whatever." Stiles fakes a smile and ran up the stairs to the bathroom. The second the door was closed he turned the water on but slumped back against the door. Hands were shaking again and he bit his lower lip anxiously. Stiles' eyes locked with the window frame. "No," he wasn't going to break not now.

The only thing that has been making Stiles even get the slightest bit of control was Derek and he apparently couldn't wait to leave him. The words 'I'm leaving' kept echoing in his mind. _You're nothing more than trouble_. _They'd be better off without you_. Stiles knew better than anyone that your own thoughts are your worst enemy but he couldn't fight it, not this time. Not when they were right.

Pushing himself up off the floor, Stiles took a step towards the window. He stopped, looking back towards the door as if he could look through it and see Derek standing there. _Derek wants nothing to do with you_. Stiles blinked through the tears forming in his eyes and moved for the window. Lifting the edge of the old frame carefully he pulled out the blade he'd hidden there. _Just want to know if it will be; just want to know if it is me._

Stiles sat down at the edge of the tub, opposite the door. The blade felt cool against his skin until he applied enough pressure to slit through, the warm blood trickling down his skin. _I feel like I've gone to the end of the world, what do I have to do?_

"Stiles, open the door!" The rattling of the door knob made him jump. Stiles glared at the clofsed door with a huff. "Weren't you leaving?" Stiles didn't need to have heightened senses to hear the strangled noise Derek made.

"Sti-look. I'm no good for you. I didn't make anything better for you." Hearing that enraged him. What is with everyone trying to make decisions for him?

"What makes you think you get to decide what's best for me?" Stiles yelled, angry.  "I'm not the easiest person to be with," he heard Derek mutter. "Just please let me in." Well if that isn't the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. "Because I'm the easiest? Derek I just... I need you." Stiles hated how desperate he sounded but it was true.  Being around Derek lately made things easier.

"Then can we have this conversation without the door?" Stiles laughed, wiping his tears and went to get up. The blade fell from his hands and it seemed like everything after that was happening in slow motion. The rattling on the floor somehow was a lot louder than it really was, his eyes watching as it hit the ground still covered in his blood. His gaze fell back to his wrist, thoughts running back to his mother.

"Stiles..." The smaller boy shook his head, pushing his thoughts aside enough to be able to open the door. Derek quickly took his hand, examining his wrist. Stiles looked away, feeling embarrassed and filled with disappointment for letting Derek down.

"Hey," Derek spoke as he took hold of Stiles' chin to look at him, "no one gets better in a day, you hear me?" Stiles nodded and tried his best to believe the words he was hearing, tried to keep the urge down that was still vibrating through his body. Derek turned off the water that was still running and took a wash cloth from the sink. Wrapping it around Stiles' wrist, he led him into his bedroom. _You know I've learned from my mistakes, how much have I got to lose?_

"Do you want to talk about it?" Derek asked as he led them to sit on the bed. Stiles took a deep breath. He hasn't spoken about this since the school practically forced him to speak to the guidance counselor. Talking to his father only resulted in his dad's drinking two minutes into the conversation and Stiles didn't want to put him through that. _Why not let him in? Why not let Derek see what's beyond the pale_? Finally, he nodded slowly at Derek.

"I was sick... I had the stomach flu or something. Me and my mo-" Stiles cleared his throat before continuing, "we were picking up groceries, walking hand in hand telling stories and laughing. When we started walking back home, I remembered the medicine we were supposed to pick up." Stiles paused. "It was already late and she needed to get home to make lunch for Dad. I could have waited until the next day but I don't know why I just didn't let it go so I reminded her." They both sat cross legged on the bed, Derek reaching his hands over and tracing lazy circles into Stiles' palm.

"We were across the street from that stupid pharmacy and she told me to wait where I was while she ran across the street." Derek's hold on his hands tightened as the tears welled up in his eyes again. "The second she took that step, a car that was turning slammed right into her. I saw all of it. Derek I- I saw her die. She said she loved me then I saw the life fall from her eyes. It's all my fau-" Derek pressed his hand over Stiles' mouth and shook his head.

"Don't. Your mother loved you. It wasn't your fault, Stiles. You thought you were doing her a favor so she wouldn't have to go out again. Having to watch that, to see it happen in front of you... I'm sorry, you had to see that but don't even think for a second that you can blame yourself for any of it." Stiles gave him a weak smile and shook his hand.

"You can use your own advice, you know" With those words Derek immediately stiffened.

"That's different." Derek told him curtly.

"Oh, bullshit. You were young, Derek." Stiles never really understood how Derek could blame himself for everything that happened. That was just too much guilt to keep bottled up. "That's no excuse," Derek told him.

"Derek, you can't blame yourself for that. You're too much of a good person to do that to yourself, it's unfair." The alpha's eyes met his and seemed to be studying him. "You think I'm a good person?"

"Well yeah man, you're pretty awesome. You saved our lives before we were even part of the pack, even when Scott was being a dick which is pretty cool. You never forced anyone to do anything. You help out whenever you can, even when we don't ask. Oh and yo-" Stiles was cut short when Derek closed the gap between them with a kiss. It was one of those things that you didn't know you needed until you got it. Stiles melted into the kiss, tilting his head and parting his lips for the eager alpha. When he finally pulled away from the clash of teeth and tongues that was their needy kiss, Stiles held onto the collar of Derek's jacket, keeping him close.

"Derek?" Stiles whispered, eyes still closed.

"Yes?" Derek asked curiously. _What can I do just to let you know that you’re in my mind? To try and justify the way you liberate me every time_. Instead Stiles settled for a word he knew would speak all those things for him. Opening his eyes, he focused on Derek's and gave a small hopeful smile.

"Stay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your continued love and support. /packhugs;


	11. Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What kind of a monster would I be if I denied someone a birthday? Big thank you to Chris. You're patient, amazing and the greatest beta I could ever ask for.

The sounds of birds chirping could be heard faintly outside of Stiles’ bedroom window. Their sounds muffled by those of a very heavy Derek Hale’s snoring. Stiles would laugh it weren’t for the fear that he’d be crushed to death by Derek’s weight, sprawled out above him. The alpha was all muscle. _There isn’t even an ounce of fat on that body_. _How selfish_.

“Derek…” Stiles called out to him. Derek’s head was buried in his chest, Stiles’ cheek resting on the top of this head. The snoring stopped but Derek didn’t answer.

“Derek, come on. Wake up,” Stiles paused for a second before continuing with a laugh. “Wake up, boy,” Stiles whistled like he was calling out to a puppy. Clearly, he had a death wish.

“Who’s the big bad wo-“ Derek pushed himself up on his hands so he could see Stiles’ face.

“Red Riding Hood… really?” Derek asked in dead pan.

“My, what big eyes you have,” Stiles laughed. Derek huffed before arching a brow at him.

“Does that make you Little Red?” There was a smirk on Derek’s face that was borderline devilish, making Stiles blush. Derek closed the gap between them, pressing his lips to Stiles’. The younger boy gasped in surprise allowing his lips to part. It didn’t take very long for Stiles to respond, letting out a soft moan as he kissed him back with fervor.

“Derek,” a small whine accompanied the alpha’s name.

“Hmm?” Derek hummed against his lips in question, not wanting to break the kiss. He moved his hips slightly, grinding against Stiles and making him feel the effect he had on him. Stiles pulled back with a laugh.

“My, what a big co-“ he was cut off by Derek taking his lower lip between his teeth. Derek was laughing slightly but his lust blown eyes read a completely different emotion. The alpha let go slowly, after pulling back a bit. Stiles’ laugh quickly died in his throat. There was something about moments like these. Times when they didn’t need words but the simple looks they shared spoke volumes. That’s the thing with them. See Stiles, he can talk forever if you’d let him. He’ll fill the silences all day long. With Derek, you could read more in his facial expressions than you’d ever hear from his mouth and right now all Stiles could see was love. Wanting. Needing. Human.

 _You and I, two of a mind. One of a kind_. Stiles was the first to look away. He closed his eyes, smiling contentedly. He pushed lightly on Derek’s chest until he got the hint to roll over.

“I’m gonna make some breakfast,” he mumbled behind a yawn.

“I can use a shower.” The alpha made his way out of bed, stripping his clothes off as he went. After the bathroom door shut, Stiles finally forced himself out of bed. Looking around the mess on the floor with a sigh, Stiles started picking things off of the floor. He figured he might as well clean up before heading down to the kitchen. Starting with Derek’s clothes, he grabbed the pants when something dropped.

The Alpha’s wallet fell to the ground, its contents scattering on the ground. Stiles’ scrambled to pick it all up, attempting to return it all the way that it was. When he came across Derek’s driver’s license, Stiles began to laugh.

 _Big and broody can’t even crack a smile for a picture_. Stiles was about to put it away when something caught his eye, “November 7t—“ The sound of the water turning off in the bathroom made him jump and he quickly moved to tuck everything away. _His birthday’s tomorrow_.

xxxxxx

Derek walked into the room, towel wrapped loosely around his waist. He immediately took notice of Stiles’ change in mood. The boy went from half asleep to pure excitement in a matter of minutes. It wasn’t that this was unusual for Stiles; it was the pure curiosity as to what was getting him this worked up.

“Stiles…” Derek began cautiously, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. You know, just cleaning up.” The smaller boy was practically bouncing on his feet. The alpha narrowed his eyes on him.

“It’s barely seven in the morning. Why are you so jumpy?” Derek moved closer to where Stiles was picking up some of the other things on the floor.

“Nothing! Excited about the day, it's so nice out. It’s a good morning. I’m gonna go start breakfast,” Stiles all but bounced out of the room. Derek raised an eyebrow and sighed. _This isn’t gonna be good._

xxxxxx

The second Derek walked out of the door, Stiles made his way into the kitchen. Looking through the cupboards he couldn’t even find a bag of flour. _Time for plan B_. The stairs creaked beneath his weight as he ran back up the stairs to his bedroom for his phone and his wallet.

“Hey, Lyd it’s me.” Stiles began as soon as she picked up.

“What do you want, Stiles? I’m trying to watch The Notebook!” Snappy Lydia wasn’t a fun Lydia. _Wait, The Notebook?_

“Again? Don’t you ever get tired of watching the sa- never mind. Look, I need your help. I’m on kind of a mission,” Stiles started to explain how he found out Derek’s birthday and he needed help making him a cake.

“I’m in,” Lydia responded almost immediately.

“Wait, really?” Stiles was already to argue out why she should help him but this was easier than he thought.

“Well let’s be honest, he needs some happiness in his life. Why not?” A soft smile replaced Stiles’ surprised expression.

“I was thinking the same thing. I’ll pick you up in 5?” Stiles asked hopefully.

“Fine,” she added before hanging up. There was no explaining how excited Stiles felt. Running down the stairs, he grabbed his car keys from where they were sitting on the table and headed out the door.

“You said five minutes,” Lydia glared at him as she opened up the car door and slid in.

“It was five!” Stiles gaped at her.

“That was actually six minutes and twelve seconds.” Lydia told him as she locked in her seat belt.

“You’re joking,” Stiles shook his head and started driving towards their nearest grocery store.

“I was thinking…” Nerves were taking over him now that they were actually going through with this. “This whole thing could backfire, right? What if he’s too caught up and it’s all too emotional for him?” Lydia seems to ponder for a bit before answering.

“Maybe spending it with someone he cares about will help ease some of the bad memories with good ones?” Stiles turns to look at her when she says the word ‘cares’.

“You really think so?” Lydia just nods at him, seemingly knowing exactly what he’s asking about it. “I know so. You two are good for each other,” she gives him a small smile before pulling down the jeeps sun visor to check her makeup. They arrive soon enough and after they’re inside Stiles starts to panic.

“Look at all these flavors! What if he doesn’t like chocolate? What if there’s too much frosting? How can someone shoulder all of these decisions oh my God this is too much pres-“ Stiles is cut off when Lydia smacks him lightly upside his head.

“The last time the pack went shopping Derek stopped in the bakery section and we all had to wait for him. Remember what he bought?” Stiles thought for a second.

“Red Velvet Cupcake.” Stiles surprised himself by remembering and grabbed the Red Velvet Cake Mix.

“Frosting?” Lydia questioned.

“Buttercream, red sanding sugar sprinkles.” It was amazing how it all came easy to him now. Piling everything he needed into a basket, Lydia pushed him towards the register.

“Wait! I just got an idea,” Stiles left the basket with Lydia and ran towards the children’s section. With a roll of her eyes, Lydia followed.

“Tell me this isn’t perfect?” Holding up a little stuffed wolf, Stiles beamed.

“That thing is hideous. It looks like a dog.” Stiles covered the plush’s ears.

“It does not, it’s perfect. Let’s go.” He was never happier to spend money on baked goods in his life. After driving to Lydia’s house, he stopped her before she climbed out of the jeep.

“Thanks for the help, Lyd,” turning back to kiss him on the cheek, she smiled.

“Anytime. Stiles, how have you been?” Lydia asked, eyes pointedly looking down at his wrist.

“It’s been easier. I don’t have the… urge?” Stiles tried to explain. “Being with Derek really makes things better.”

“You really like him don’t you?” She smiled at the way his cheeks flushed.

“I really do.”

“Don’t burn down the house,” and with that she was up and out of the car.

xxxxxx

“Stiles?!” The Sheriffs voice broke through the high pitched screaming sound of the smoke alarm going off in their home.

“Hey Dad, uh- you’re home early.” Stiles coughed as he tried to air out the kitchen.

“What the hell are you doing?” John moved to open up the window above the sink.

“You know, baking and stuff.” His father arched an eyebrow at him.

“Baking?” Stiles avoided his father’s questioning looks.

“Totally. I just wanted to give it a try.” John looks around the kitchen, sees the plush and the little red bow Stiles had picked out to go with it.

“Stiles?”

“Yeah?” Stiles turns to face his father now, knowing full well he can’t avoid what he’s gotten himself into.

“Are you making whatever this is for someone special?” A small huff escapes Stiles followed by a sigh.

“Kind of. I may or may not have accidentally found out that Derek’s birthday is tomorrow and I just thought that he nee-“ Stiles was stopped mid sentence by his father who walked over to turn down the oven.

“If you turn up the oven more than 350 degrees, you’ll burn anything that goes in there. Your mother never put more than a few table spoons of sugar no matter what the packages say. Don’t question me on this next one, it works out. Add a table spoon of sour cream to the mix. She used to say it gives it moisture and richness, her secret ingredient. Your mother was never wrong about anything.” With a smile, the Sheriff starts walking for the door.

“I’ve gotta head back to the station, came over when a deputy called about the alarm. Oh and Stiles?” The Sheriff peeked his head back in as he spoke.

“Yeah, Dad?” Stiles was still stunned at everything his father was telling him.

“I’m proud of you. It’s a really nice thing you’re doing.” With a small smile, his father out the door and off to work. A few hours passed by and Stiles finally felt like he'd perfected his cupcakes. He’d give the rest of the batch to the pack but Derek needed to have the first one. Once they were frosted and sprinkled he set them on the table. The plush was tucked into one of the cabinets beside the table and he headed up to his room.

Early the next morning, Derek popped into his room. Stiles was already awake and sitting on his desk, practically giddy about what he had planned. Setting down the book he was pretending to read, he looked up at him.

“Finally!” Derek looked at him curiously. “Finally?”

“Come on I wanna show you something.” Stiles took Derek’s hand and ran downstairs with a few stumbles.

“Wait here.” Stiles stopped him by the kitchen door and ran in to turn on the candle on the cupcake. Grabbing the little plush from the counter, he put it behind his back with one hand.

“Okay come in.”

xxxxxx

Derek’s heart was racing. An alpha doesn’t scare easy and he definitely wasn’t scared, mostly worried. There was no way that Stiles could have figured out what today was. After all, he hadn’t said anything to him since he came in.

Then he heard it, Stiles’ ‘come in’ and he did. Derek’s breath caught in his throat when he saw the lit cupcake in the middle of the table and Stiles beaming next to it.

“Happy birthday, Sourwolf!”

“Stiles…” A million things ran through Derek’s mind in that one instant. The way he would never leave his mother’s side as she taught him how to make his favorite cupcakes. The way Laura would try to sneak in to find out the secret ingredient. The way Derek would growl lowly at her because _No, this is my favorite_. The way he’d think of her every time he’d see a red velvet cupcake and the way none of them were ever the same. He thought of this past birthdays after he lost his family and how it hurt that no one ever knew when it was so he was always alone. But then he thought of how he was sort of grateful for it at the same time because that way no one would bother him or try giving him their pity.

But here Stiles was eyes full of excitement, willing to share this day with a person as damaged and broken as he. The scent of the sour cream in the cupcakes sent Derek’s head spinning because, _how did he know_?

“Wait, there’s more!” And out from behind him he pulls out a little plush of a wolf with soft red eyes and a small red bow tied around his neck. Derek was… overwhelmed to say the least. There were so many things that he needed, wanted to say but all he could manage was  “Thank you” as he pulled Stiles into a tight embrace. When he finally pulled back, Stiles looked over to the cupcake, the flame dwindling fast.

“Make a wish, quick!” Derek looked over at the cupcake, kneeling down and closing his eyes. _Please don’t take this away from me_. He blew out the candle and then bit into the cupcake. It was perfect, just like he remembered. One day, he’d have to tell Stiles but not now.

“What’d you wish for?” Stiles asked excitedly. _I will fall for you, would you fall too?_

“For this to be over.” Derek joked, a small laugh escaping his lips. Stiles leaned over, wiping away some frosting at the corner of Derek’s lips. _You and I, learning to speak with kisses on cheeks_. He left a small kiss there then held up the wolf excitedly.

“He looks just like you!” Stiles was practically screaming and Derek couldn’t help but laugh at how ugly the thing was. This really was his best birthday ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cupcake and the poor hideous wolf plush: http://i49.tinypic.com/li651.png There should be one more chapter after this, two if it's too long. Thank you all for your love/feedback/support. You always make me smile.<3! 
> 
> Tumblr: elegantlydisastrous


	12. This Parting Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, this is it. I want to thank you all for staying with me and giving your lovely feedback. Instead of using one song for this chapter, I used a couple to wrap it all up. This story emotionally poked at my heart in so many ways, I really hope you enjoyed it. A huge thank you to my amazing beta, Chris. He's always been so supportive and amazing.

A few weeks passed and Stiles found himself overwhelmed as he worked above the kitchen stove. 

"Derek, you mash these potatoes any harder you're going to turn it into a soup." The alpha huffed and loosened his grip on the potato smasher. Stiles mumbled a small 'Thank you' as he leaned over to give Derek a kiss on the cheek.

"So! Our chicken is roasting, you mashed the potatoes, Dad's glazing the ham and the vegetables are almost done. Am I forgetting anything?" John looked up at his son with a finger pointing right at him. 

"Stiles, if you try to make one more dish so help me-" Stiles outright laughed at this at this and shook his head. 

"I'm done, I'm done!" Putting his hands up in defense, he backed away from the stove slowly. 

"Alright you two, I've got to head back to the station in a few min-" 

"Wait, what? You're kidding me right?" Stiles turned, facing his father. "It's Christmas Eve!" 

"I gave a few of the deputies the day off, Stiles. Someone's gotta pick up the slack. I'll be home early tomorrow morning in time for you to open your presents, I promise!" Stiles sighed and chewed away at the end of his sleeve like he so often did when he was upset about something. He really wished his father would be able to stay but he couldn't overlook the nice thing that he'd done for his coworkers.

"Fine. Derek can help me finish decorating the tree."

"I-what?" Stiles gave him a look that clearly meant business that made the alpha huff.

"We never really get around to setting up the tree until the day before so you're going to be helping me. Dad, I'll put your plate in the microwave." The sheriff nodded at him as he grabbed a washcloth and wiped off his hands. 

"I'll see you soon. Merry Christmas, boys!" Stiles gave him a small smile before his father walked out of the door. 

xxxxxx

Christmas time was never really easy for Derek and he didn't think it would be this time around. He sat on the couch opposite the fireplace in the Stilinski home, thumb brushing lightly back and forth on the glass cup his fingers were wrapped tightly around. The logs crackled in under the flame that set the room underneath an orange glow. The soft pattering of footsteps entered the room. A hand lay rest on his shoulder and he felt his lips upturn in the slightest.

"Everything okay?" There was a bit of caution behind the question and Derek just nodded his head.

"Sit down, Stiles." Patting the empty space beside him, Derek motioned for him to take a seat. Stiles made his way over, plopping down on the couch next to him, resting his head on his shoulder. 

"So..." Derek just shook his head replying with a "shhh."

"Well not that I wouldn't want to but haven't you met me? It's kind of impossible for me to actually sit here silently and do absolutely nothing. I've got to at least say something. How about the weather, we can talk about that" The alpha growled lightly causing Stiles to falter then laced his fingers within his, "or we could do that." 

"I just haven't really had Christmas in a while" Derek spoke quietly, his eyes never really leaving the soft flickering before him. The smaller boy shot up, making Derek's head jerk slightly from where it was resting on Stiles'. 

"I'm so sorry. I didn't even think-" Derek shook his head, standing up with him. "Stiles, no. This was really nice. I actually wanted to thank you."

"Thank me for what?" Stiles looked at him questioningly. 

"I've actually always loved Christmas time but ever since I los- it just hasn't been the same. It's not like I could just buy a tree and call it a day," shaking his head, Derek ran a hand through his hair. 

"It took me a while to celebrate it, too. It wasn't easy, especially having to act like everything was okay with Dad. He had to go back to work right after... we never really talked about it until one day he brought home a little twelve inch tree from the gas station around the corner," Stiles laughed. 

"I guess we should probably start then," Derek made his way over to the small box of decorations in the corner of the room. Pulling out some String lights, he began circling them around the tree. Stiles grabbed a few ornaments and they both worked around each other in comfortable silence until they were done.

"Ready?" Derek asked as he moved to plug it into the outlet. A small nod from Stiles gave him the okay. Beautiful colored lights wrapped around the Balsam Fir, while multicolored ornaments were hanging off of the delicate tips of the branches. The smaller boy had taken the liberty of placing little red bows in scattered places and placed the golden star on top of the tree. The fresh scent of pine had filled the room and Derek didn't need his superhuman senses to smell it.

"It's beautiful, Stiles," Derek told him honestly. Their hard work really had paid off. 

"It's missing something," walking over to the end table nearest the door, Derek watched as Stiles picked up a brown paper bag. 

"Don't laugh," Stiles told him as he walked over to the tree and hung an [ornament](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_1tuFRR-F61M/TP74rR_xw0I/AAAAAAAADpY/gw5gpARgVfI/s1600/wolf+ornament.jpg) right in the center of the tree. Derek moved around Stiles so he can better see what was on it. The ornament was a dark red but in the middle it showed two wolves, outlined by a white glow. The wolf on the left seemingly shy, hiding or possibly being protected by the wolf beside him yet he still looked brave; fearless. Derek wanted to laugh at how much they seemed to resemble he and Stiles.

"I love it," the alpha told him as he ran his fingers over the ornament.

"Well, we needed a bit more 'Derek' around here for Christmas," Stiles said with a laugh. Turning slightly to be able to see him clearly, Derek had to stop for a minute and catch his breath. It was an ignorant to say to anyone on the planet but Alpha be damned if he ever cared about someone's opinions. 

"You're perfect," he told him honestly. Noting the way Stiles' heartbeat spiked and his ears began to flush, Derek walked them over to the couch but didn't take a seat. 

"Since the tree is officially up can I give you one of your gifts now?" Stiles gave him a shocked expression but nodded excitedly.

"Hell yeah you can!" Derek shook his head with a laugh before reaching behind one of the pillow cushions in the far corner of the couch. Retrieving a small box, Derek handed it over.

"Woah, Derek. Not that I don't think you're great and everything but don't you think it's too soon to be-" Derek huffed at Stiles, "Just open it!" With a deep breath, Stiles opened up the box.

"A key?" The boys heart was racing and Derek could sense the confusion radiating off of him tenfold. "To our home," Derek finished for him. Stiles' head shot up and his eyes met the alpha's instantly.

"Our?" he questioned. Derek simply nodded at him before continuing. "You already have a drawer at my place, and I've seen you bringing things over and by the way that picture in the hallway is hideous," Derek said with a laugh referring to the photo that Stiles took of him off guard. It's one of many he's been framing and scattering across the Hale home. "But maybe now you can let yourself in."

"I think that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard you say," Stiles paused, twirling the key between his fingers. Derek rolled his eyes and pulled Stiles in close, placing a small kiss to his lips.

"I think Christmas is gonna suck a bit less this year," Derek could sense the excitement in Stiles voice.

"I think so too." 

xxxxxx

Walking back into the kitchen with Derek's footsteps behind him, Stiles started to add the finishing touches to their dinner. His heartbeat was rabbiting in his chest at the nights developments. Stiles didn't think that Derek had noticed when he started making space for himself at his home. It started with a toothbrush, some pajamas but before he knew it he had his own drawer and was hanging pictures down the hallways. Whether Derek liked it or not, Stiles was going to make him go to Ikea and pick out some new furniture. He added a dash of salt to the pulverized potatoes before turning to face Derek. 

"Derek can you set th-" When he turned he found the table already almost done being set.  

"Wow, you're quick. You're like a ninja kitty," he mused.

"Kitty?" Stiles tried his best to ignore the arched eyebrow in his direction and turned off the oven. 

"Sure. I bet we can even find you a collar that fits," Stiles knew full well just how much he was pushing his luck. He reached into the cupboard to pull out a bowl, teeth biting into his lower lip to keep from laughing. Before he knew it he was being pressed into the counter. 

"So I take it we like the collar idea?" Stiles asked as Derek nosed at his neck before biting down slightly with blunt teeth where neck meets shoulder.  _Heart's against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck._

"We can try it out," Derek told him. Stiles whipped around quickly, Derek quickly resuming his position. Body pressed flush against him yet it was the alphas words that were making the blush creep into his cheeks.

"Really?" Stiles was attempting to keep as calm as possible but the thoughts running through his mind right now were throwing him off balance.

"Yes, if you'd like," Derek kissed him once, then twice and pulled back to get a good look at him. Stiles ran his hands up his chest, going over his collar bone and wrapped tightly around Derek's neck. His thumb brushed lightly over his throat and Derek's jaw clenched and eyes closed. It probably wasn't easy to do this, giving up control to someone, especially for a werewolf like Derek. The power of having control over Derek like this sent Stiles on a whirlwind. He tightened his grip around Derek just a bit with a strength that Stiles didn't know he possessed, it ran through his entire body, down to the tips of his fingers. The low growl that came next was felt more than it was heard. 

"Stiles..." Derek's head snapped up, red eyes burning with an intensity meeting Stiles' own. The alpha's hands wrapped around Stiles' wrists and practically pounced on him. Derek's kiss was bruising, needing.  _All I want is the taste that your lips allow_. Stiles pulled back a bit, gasping for air. 

"Well, that's good to know," he laughed. "Derek if we don't devour this delicious food now, it's gonna get all cold and whose fault will that be?" 

"I fully intend to devour," as if prompted the alpha's eyes fell to Stiles' kiss-swollen lips and fused them together once more. Stiles gasped in surprise when Derek's hands snaked around him and picked him up by his ass. "Jump up," he told him but it wasn't like Stiles needed to be told, jumping into his arms as his legs wrapped around him tightly.  _I fully intended to have a good time. Many, many times, in several different positions_. 

Derek moved them until his knees hit the couch and Stiles let out a shriek between his fits of laughter when he fell down onto it.  _A very manly shriek, thank you very much_. Derek leaned over him, being pulled the rest of the way by Stiles yanking his collar. 

"You mentioned something about devouring?" Stiles wiggled his eyebrows 'seductively' at Derek who burst into laughter. 

"What am I going to do with you?" Derek asked, kissing along Stiles' jaw line.

"Uh- last I checked I was on the menu," he gestured to himself wildly. Derek shook his head and ducked down to lick a strip up his sternum. Stiles couldn't help the shudder that ran through him, little sparks of heat that electrified through him. Stiles really did love the balance they shared.  _I'm addicted to your touch_. Derek pulled back, undressing Stiles with an experienced finesse. Stiles decided to lend a hand, fingers fumbling with Derek's pants to get them undone. 

Once undressed, Stiles held Derek's gaze. Reaching a hand out to lace their fingers together, Stiles' lips upturned at the motion. They fit perfectly together, they always have. 

"Derek?" the smaller man's voice cracked just slightly, now filled with nerves. "I wanna try something." 

"Anything you want," Stiles studied his face for a moment, giving Derek the opportunity to back out if he wanted to. When he received no protest, he flipped them over and put Derek on his back. The alpha's shocked expression quickly turned into full blown lust within moments. He leaned his body into Derek's, letting their cocks touch as he pressed his lips to his. 

"Fuck, Derek," Stiles moaned into his mouth before pulling back and kissing down his body. There was a strange sensation that he received every time he would bite down into Derek's skin. Knowing that he could affect his boyfriend in the same way he affected him, before the marks would slowly start to disappear. Stiles licked, sucked and bit along the way. Tracing Derek's abdomen with his tongue, then following the small trail of hair down to his cock which he then skipped entirely and moved down to his ass.

Stiles got on his knees on the floor in front of the couch, angling himself to get better access for this. Spreading his ass cheeks with his hands, he leaned over and swept a curious tongue out to taste Derek's hole. The alpha's whole body jolted as he hissed Stiles' name. Pleased with the reaction, Stiles did it again but added a finger in to join. It's not like Stiles really had any type of experience in how to rim a guy but something about Derek made him want to try. 

Stiles already runs cold and Derek is always just so warm. After another soft drag of his tongue against Derek's hole, the alpha makes a whining noise he'll probably regret later. By now, Stiles finds enough confidence to dive back in, licking him in earnest. The press of his tongue sent little jolts through his boyfriend if the way he was twitching was any indication. Alternating between circling his hole with the tip of his tongue and small swipes, Stiles was quickly learning what it took to make him tick. 

Derek seemed like he was finally relaxing so Stiles spread him wider and practically fucked him with his tongue. One of Derek's hands fisted in Stiles' newly grown hair and the other in the pillow cushion beside him. Feeling satisfied, Stiles licked his way up to Derek's cock now. One long swipe up from base to tip had Derek writhing beneath him.  _I'll do you one better_. Stiles' mouth may have been good at talking a mile a minute but it was good for more than just that. Taking the head of Derek's cock between his lips, he licked at the head and sucked softly. Moaning around him, Stiles reveled in how amazing Derek tasted to him. After relaxing himself momentarily, Stiles pulled him in until his nose was touching Derek's skin. 

"Dammit, Stiles," Derek was panting and clearly trying his hardest to stay still. The grip in his hair tightened and it made Stiles moan around him again. It was all the encouragement Stiles needed as he started bobbing his head up and down in swift motions, hollowing his cheeks to suck him harder. Not wanting him to come just yet, Stiles pulled away and ran to the other room where he'd left his coat. Retrieving a small bottle of lube he kept with him in case of times like these, he ran back to where he was. Positioning himself right outside Derek's hole now that he was lubed up, Stiles looked up at him.

"Ready?" Derek nodded at him eagerly as their eyes connected. Stiles leaned down pressing his lips to his. One of his hands slid up, finding it's way to Derek's neck.

"Do it," Derek's voice was dark and practically dripping with lust when he pulled their lips apart. Biting his lip in acknowledgement, Stiles' mouth found his again and deepened the kiss. The alpha's lips promptly parted as he kissed him back fervently.  _Holy shit, I'm really doing this_. Stiles took the opportunity while Derek was lost in the kiss to press into him. The alpha groaned against his lips once Stiles  bottomed out. He pulled back from the kiss, panting.

Stiles pulled himself together quickly, setting a steady rhythm. Derek was so good, thrusting against him when he could. A million thoughts ran through Stiles' mind. This was him. He was doing this, he was the reason that Derek was coming undone. It was an exhilarating feeling. And Derek, well he looked amazing. Beautiful, really. Stiles is going to have to have them do this more often. The hand gripping the alpha's neck loosened and Stiles placed both hands on Derek's hips, thrusting in harder. 

This might have felt amazing but the familiar heat coiling in Stiles was clear warning enough that he wasn't going to last much longer. Derek's hand moved to stroke himself.  _Fuck, he's beautiful_. A small huff of laughter escaped the alpha making Stiles realize that he'd just said that out loud. Well, it's not like it wasn't true.  _And you will never know just how beautiful you are to me_. 

"Derek, I'm close," Stiles panted. Derek nodded at him and Stiles leaned down, biting as hard as he could onto Derek's neck. Just like that, he could feel Derek coming beneath him, body clenching around him. Stiles was quickly sent over the edge right after and pulled back to lap at the quickly fading teeth marks. 

"That was-" Stiles began.

"Amazing..." Derek continued for him. Stiles collapsed on top of him, cuddling into his chest while trying to get his breathing back to normal.  _Take words out of my mouth just from breathing_. Strong arms wrapped around his lean frame as Derek held him closely. _Lie down with me and hold me in your arms._  After a few moments Stiles pulled away from him with a yawn. 

"I'm tired," he said sleepily.

"We haven't even had dinner yet, Stiles," Derek told him with a laugh.

"Oh my God! I forgot about the food. This is all your fault being all sexy and stoic!" Stiles hit him lightly on his arm and got off the couch. Derek got up right after and grabbed a wash cloth to clean them off with. 

"What brought that on?" Derek asked him as they put their clothes back on.

"Maybe I just wanted to make you feel at least half as good as you make me feel," Stiles told him quietly. Derek walked over, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing him once. 

"You do that already, but that was pretty amazing," he told him with a laugh. Stiles' face lit up and he pulled Derek back into the kitchen. After grabbing all the food and taking it to the dining room, they sat and ate in comfortable silence. It's one of their favorite things to do together. Stiles was chowing down on his mashed potatoes while Derek took a bite out of his chicken leg. 

"Can I give you your gift now?" Stiles asked him. Derek looked up at him across the table and quirked a brow at him.  _You and I; two of a mind. This love’s one of a kind._

"Right now?" Stiles nodded his head and pulled out the chair next to him to pull out a wrapped box. 

"Has that been there the whole time?" Derek asked him with a laugh. Stiles shrugged innocently and handed it over. 

"What is it?" The alpha asked as he wiped his hands on a napkin before taking it. 

"Open it! I'll get some scissors, I kind of went crazy with the tape," but before he could get up Derek was slicing through with an extended claw. "Don't bother." Stiles rolled his eyes and waited impatiently, leg bouncing under the table. When Derek finally opened it, he unveiled the photo album that Stiles had picked out especially for him. On the front cover it had a quote on the bottom right. It read 'I've always said that the best wolf habitat resides in the human heart. You have to leave a little space for them to live.' Stiles watched as Derek ran his thumb across it once and place it onto the table.

"Wait, you have to open it!" Derek's eyebrows shot up and Stiles smiled cheek to cheek. Derek opened it slowly, breath catching when he looked through. Stiles had been on a mission for pictures of the Hales for a while now. At first it was just for research, before he even knew Derek that well. But afterwards, his father had helped him with some photos they salvaged from the fire that were kept downtown. After a few arguments he finally managed to take them from his father. There was a few group pictures but his favorite was one of Derek and Laura. Her arms were wrapped around him as he gave her a piggy back ride in what seemed to be their back yard. Then after the family's photos, Stiles added a few of Derek's pack and one that Stiles had taken of them both when Derek was asleep. He looked so content with his head resting on Stiles' chest. 

"Do you like it? I really wanted you to have your family around in some way. Trust me those pictures were not easy to get. I'm sorry if this is too soon. Is this too soon? I thought you would want to have them. I can take them ba-" Stiles was stopped short when Derek looked up with almost tear filled eyes. Not one tear was shed but Stiles could see the emotion building in the eyes before him.  _I'm never gonna let you down_. 

"I love it, Stiles. Thank you," he told him and finally put the album down. They both stood up at the same time, Derek walking around the table to wrap his arms tightly around Stiles. He held him close there for a while.  _Broken windows fall in place, now shattered lovers find their place_. Stiles just held on just as tight, rubbing his back. Derek pulled back a bit later with a smile, "You're perfect." Stiles laughed at this and shoved playfully at his shoulder.

"Come on let's go watch one of the millions of Christmas specials on TV," pulling the alpha's hands he lead them to the living room and curled up beside him. They ended up ignoring the television entirely and telling stories instead. Derek talked about how Laura was a pain in the ass who loved to embarrass him but was his best friend. He spoke about his older brother and how he taught him how to stand up to people. Then he told Stiles about his parents, how his father taught him how to fight and his mother taught him compassion. Derek told him about his little brothers and sisters and little cousins, how he was their favorite. He spoke about pack meetings, family dinners and graduations.

Stiles told him about his mother. He told him how he was there every day with her until she passed. Then he told him how his mother taught him how to knit and threatened to kick his ass if he ever used that against him. Derek just shook his head and bit back a laugh. Stiles told him about how she's the reason he knows how to cook as well as he does and how even though his father was a cop at the time, his mother would still scare him. He spoke about her strength, her sense of humor and her beauty. Stiles told him about how caring she was and she only wanted Stiles to be happy, how his mother would have loved him. He spoke about her and for the first time in his life he didn't feel the need to take a blade to his wrist, didn't feel guilty about her death. 

They talked and laughed the next few hours away, sharing every single little thing that they could think of. Stiles realized that everything would be okay form here on in.  _This is the start of something beautiful_. If nothing else, they had each other and they would get each other through anything this life would throw at them. 

"Merry Christmas, Derek," Stiles told him when sleepy eyes landed on the clock on the wall which turned to midnight. The alpha's head whipped around to look at the time as if he didn't even realize their conversation had carried on that long. 

"Merry Christmas, Stiles," Derek told him as he went to rest his head on his shoulder. Stiles laced their fingers together once again and pressed a small kiss to the side of Derek's head. 

"Love you," Stiles mumbled, half lidded eyes closing against his will.

"Love you, Stiles," Derek replied and he never meant anything more than he did at this moment.  _I'm in love now_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, as if it wasn't Stiles' turn to be all aggressive already. Sometimes you find good things in people you once thought the worst of.


End file.
